Today, our village has a new priest and he routinely harasses everyone who doesn’t attend church on Sunday. I’m so sick of him I’m considering throwing paint on him the next time I see him coming up the garden path. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my niece's christening, I was outside with family when we suddenly heard shouting and the priest pushing my husband outside while screaming, “GET OUT OF MY CHURCH!” Friar Tuck style. It’s been six hours and husband still won’t tell me what he did that upset a priest that badly. FML
Today, my fiancé told a priest on the bus to fuck off, because he was annoying her with all his God talk. She didn’t know the priest had been our family's priest for the past 40 years, the guy we were supposed to talk to about our wedding next year. Guess that’s not happening now. FML
Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML
Today, it was supposed to be my wedding but my fiancé insisted we be married by his childhood priest, a real bible thumper. This arsehole tried to change our vows at the altar and told me wives should know their place, so I slapped him and the wedding is delayed until we get a new priest. FML
Today, my husband won’t speak to our son anymore, because our son has slowly become more religious and is now studying to be a priest, "bringing shame on the family" as my husband calls it. FML
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML
Today, my fiancé accidentally ran over the priest who is supposed to be marrying us in 3 days. Now, not only do we need a new priest, we need a new church to get married in, with only 3 days to find them. FML
Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Today, at 7am on a Saturday, my next door neighbor set up a preacher guy with a mic and large speaker. It's 2pm, and I can still hear him screaming about Jesus through my foam insulated walls and $300 noise canceling headphones. I can't sleep, and I'm injured so I can't leave home. That's my Shabbat ruined! FML
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Top comments
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Religion is like a penis - it's great to have one, fine to be proud of it and show it off, but for the love of God do NOT force it down my throat.
RichardPencil 32
Good plan! No, even better -- a perfect plan! I don't see how anything could go wrong with it. Certainly, the priest will recognize that he's too aggressive and will back off because paint can do that.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Good plan! No, even better -- a perfect plan! I don't see how anything could go wrong with it. Certainly, the priest will recognize that he's too aggressive and will back off because paint can do that.
Plop 17
Exactly, religious nutjobs are known for being very reasonable people. I mean what sane person doesn't listen to voices in their heads from some hateful imaginary friend?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Religion is like a penis - it's great to have one, fine to be proud of it and show it off, but for the love of God do NOT force it down my throat.
poopface82 25
Also, there can be very sensitive nuts involved. Best not to disturb them unless you do so carefully.
wrenavery90 12
And throwing paint will accomplish what?
Yudith 28
Fend off the priest, or send OP to prison, or both. Better use the safe method of hanging drawings of Baphomet and pentagrams all over the house and ordering a bunch of licorice bats to chew on when the priest comes by.
JasonThorn 23
"JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED. Now, GTFO."
Grumpy Jack 27
Is there any way to build him up some nasty rep with kids ?
DLBL 23
Try reporting him to his bosses in the Archdiocese.