The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

By winner winner chicken dinner - 26/09/2018 05:00

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 780

You deserved it 639

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 780

You deserved it 911

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 463

Words don't come easy

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 17:00

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 291

By Joy - 05/11/2018 17:30 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my cat got stuck under the dishwasher. After getting her out, I put her in the washroom to prevent her from bugging me while I closed off the bottom of the dishwasher so she can't get stuck again. She locked herself in the washroom by opening the drawer directly behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 778

You deserved it 398

Marking territory

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 778

You deserved it 350

Nice victim blaming!

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/07/2020 08:02

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 778

You deserved it 221

Everything is clean

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 18:00

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 250

By independant - 08/11/2018 17:30 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 570

Sounds reasonable

By jenn8209 - 15/09/2022 01:30

Today, it’s my honeymoon. Before sexy time, my new husband made me do my first “act of loyalty” to him: text all my male contacts who were not family to “never speak to me again” and delete then from social media and cellphone. Apparently, I “can’t be hoeing” around during marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 776

You deserved it 655

By StickyVag - 08/08/2018 01:30 - New Zealand

Today, the fire alarm went off halfway through my bikini wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 194

Morning!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 285

By Fayetale - 27/08/2018 18:30 - Germany

Today, I lost my Job, got in a car accident, and got dumped by my now ex-boyfriend because he is madly in love with my stepsister. I hope this day doesn't get worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 27/10/2018 12:00 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I broke up with the guy I've been dating for 6 months. His response was to destroy my $200 Japanese chef knife. I'm an apprentice cook and that knife means the world to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 246

Baked

By NotHappyJan - 03/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 2 023

By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 240

Science teacher

By Anonymous - 13/01/2020 18:00

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 262

Crazy best friend

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 18:00

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 761

Valid reason?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 256

By mustanggt - 02/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 1 030

And today on Maury…

By Anonymous - 24/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 220

Wuss

By kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 1 679

By nobody - 27/08/2018 22:00 - Ireland

Today, while I was talking to my boss, he got a call from "babe". The number that was calling him was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 155

How is that fair?

By Henry - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 186

No excuse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 14:01

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 254

By Anoniem - 10/12/2018 17:30 - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 156

By MystalBlue - 25/11/2018 13:30 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I made a little girl cry. How? She saw my face, got scared, and ran away crying. I thought I wasn't that ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 200

Cheater

By Anonymous - 04/11/2019 22:15

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 241

By MSguy - 27/08/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 145

By Brokeandangry - 06/08/2018 21:13

Today, I bought my kids new mattresses for their new beds. Within 24 hours my son did a cannon ball onto his sister's bed to prove that it wouldn't break. The box spring snapped in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 325

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Birthday Awkward Mother in law Relatable Money Transportation Cars Health Sports Weird Family Kids Mental health Work Onlyfans Drunk Embarrassing Neighbours Spooky Annoying Noise Animals Insects Delivery Cats Roommate Clothes Job interview

The Top

Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 093

You deserved it 2 455

Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 927

You deserved it 2 810

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 463

You deserved it 13 580

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 750

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 640

You deserved it 83 292

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 1 473