The Top

I'm the one who wrote this FML. I was organizing the drawer because I was trying to find our passports. I confronted him, and he admitted to TWO affairs. A few months ago, when I got sick out of town and had emergency surgery (acute cholecystectomy), I was stuck there almost 2 weeks. He never visited me once, because of "work", even though it's less than 3 hours away. I looked at our bank account--day of my surgery, he was buying sushi for two, and then breakfast the next morning. Oh yeah, he also bought a trip for two to Vegas over Xmas break. A week ago, he told me, via text message, he filed for divorce. So yeah, FML, several times over.

By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/04/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 793

My eyes! My eyes!

By traumatized4life - 04/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 848

You deserved it 2 914

Great

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 11:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper, "No fat chicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 597

You deserved it 6 845

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 436

You deserved it 3 680

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 21:10 - United States

Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 5 608

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 927

You deserved it 16 242

Succession

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 16:00

Today, I reunited with my mother and my sisters after a long time. I actually walked out of the reunion, too, after I drove 800 km away, only to find out that they're fighting over my late father's inheritance. I had vanished from my family because they were always possessive and crawling up my ass every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 92

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 2 525

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 08:01 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 199

By anonymous - 20/06/2013 01:09 - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 294

You deserved it 3 093

That's not a real thing

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Flitwick

Today, after talking to a girl for a little over a month, and both of us saying we liked each other and FaceTiming each other for multiple hours each day, she told me I’m “too easy to talk to” and friendzoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 159

Everyone's a critic

By Mark A. Collette - 24/06/2023 15:00

Today, I saw the "Weird: Al Yankovic" movie. What a waste of time that I will never get back. And I don't have that much time left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 882

Consolation prize

By my fault for asking - 27/11/2024 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 501

By Anonymous - 21/08/2011 19:48 - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 599

You deserved it 3 416

To do what?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 18:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 211

What the actual…?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 22:00

Today, my friend bit me. The first time I said "Ow!" and pushed her away. The third time really hurt, and I got mad and said, "Don't fucking bite me!" and walked away angrily. She chased after me and told me I couldn't be mad at her, then got mad when I wouldn't talk to her. She didn't say sorry once and it started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 131

By magicman - 04/07/2012 09:04 - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 168

You deserved it 31 466

By lovegotmehung - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 3 907

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:56 - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 452

You deserved it 3 273

Desperate nan

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 385

You deserved it 3 570

The whole kit and caboodle

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 22:00

Today, I asked my husband for a divorce. He said fine, as long as I got full custody of the kids. I did an actual double take; he didn’t want shared custody, he wanted me to take the kids, no arguments or negotiating, because he doesn’t want the kids anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 578

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my whole office is treating me like a pariah because I rejected the new guy who has autism. I have a history of being domestically abused so why should I date a guy who, by his own admission, loses his temper easily and attacks people? That’s right, I shouldn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 121

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 3 871

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 738

You deserved it 1 384

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 206

Today, the woman who turned me down would rather date a bum who smokes weed all day and works at Panera Bread. I have 3 college degrees, a respectable career, and I’m drug free. No matter how much I point this out, she gets butthurt, and has now felt the need to block my social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 2 612

Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 176

Today, my wife doesn't like to cook. She doesn't like when I cook, because I enjoy cooking and she says I'm "making her feel guilty." She also doesn't want to order take out, as it's "a foolish waste of money." The fuck are we supposed to eat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 86