Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML
Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
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Top comments
DRMIKA 4
Are you suppose to listen to the app for the whole 8 hours that you slept?
Xythenol 6
You should play it for them.
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Comments (167)
jess_1193 13
That's gotta suck :(
Marcella1016 32
Since your comment will be thumbed into oblivion anyway, I might as well say the totally wack thing that immediately popped into my head when I read the FML: Doesn't matter, (your parents) had sex?
MrKrustyKrab 0
Where did you put your phone? Your parents room? Or were they having sex next to you?
perdix 31
You are right and now you hear exactly how Mommy does it. She tells Daddy to grab the back of her head and then she gargles on it.
realSlimjimShady 7
9- it was a bunk bead
coughyochick 7
Why is she getting thumbed down?
Marcella1016 32
19 - She's getting thumbed down because the epic history of "FIRST!" comments have led to a culture on FML with very specific rules: 1. Do not write "FIRST" as your first comment. 2. Do not "waste" the first comment by writing 2 words like "that sucks" just to be first 3. Do not say "that sucks" or "sorry OP" anywhere. According to the comments of the FML masses, "It's FML of course it sucks!" 4. Do not comment on the first comment unless it is related to the comment itself. If you reply with an unrelated comment you are "thread jacking" and the mods will drag you down to the torture chamber. 5. Overused puns are overused. (See "Doesn't matter, had sex" or "That sucks" on a bj-related FML) While I disagree with most of these rules, I dare not defy the FML gods and their army of commenters. They will tear you limb from limb if you say 2 words, but give you 500 thumbs up if those same 2 words were uttered by DocBastard :)
perdix 31
#30. Good guidelines, but I once wrote "that sucks," but it was a vacuum-cleaner-related FML, so it was the "right" comment for that one.
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe #19 was asking why dad was using his "thumb down" technique to explore mom's new anal G spot.
SquishFish 15
Sorry perdix, but her rules still apply because your comment wasn't appropriate as it got moderated.
_Oblivion_ 12
These people make no sense at all. Marc and perdix seem to be the only ones with comments that are comprehensible.
UnionsSuck 5
What's the name of this app?
nado13579 12
30's survival app for FML. Very accurate.
JocelynKaulitz 28
At least you don't snore…
MDTeddy 13
Op must be one heavy sleeper. If the sex was picked up then it must have been loud I assume or not and just loud enough to be heard.
Dixbfloppin 11
I bet she did, 1. I bet she did.
monkeymanrossi 0
Your reeeeaaalllly hot! :)
marigoldcobain 21
"Doesn't matter, had sex" isn't a pun, it's a meme.
adamjohnson 5
Haha that sucks
Mr_Krabs 5
No shit, thats why its on FML.
PoseidonsSon 3
MR KRABS! I'M TELLING!
NOOBSQUAD 0
MR KRABS (read in a sponge Bob voice) if your gonna talk like a sailor you're gonna work like a sailor. Any body... No, oh okay.
Elysian101 0
I see what you did there
DRMIKA 4
Are you suppose to listen to the app for the whole 8 hours that you slept?
Marcella1016 32
3 - I was wondering the same thing, since I've been told I snore too. But I'm assuming the phone is constantly recording but recording over itself every few seconds, and if it detects any noise it saves the recording and records a little longer. So basically all you'd have in the morning would be the times you snored. Or of course random sounds from your parents' room...
mduffy08 8
I thought it was "sleep cycle alarm". It records movement, not speed and can tell what sleep cycle you are in. It wakes you up when you are in the right cycle so you don't get that groggy feeling. I have no clue what app OP is talking about.
prettipinkchick 5
I have one like this, it records when there's noise. My blanket is sort of loud so when I turn over it records for A couple seconds or when I snore! It's actually pretty cool but not in the OPs case!
Marcella1016 32
48 - what's the app called? I'd like to try it
TheJester12 15
If the "snoring" lasted for the entire 8 hours his dad is a champ.
piff7 14
I found an app on the app store called "Dream Talk Recorder". It's free and says it only records when there is a noise and you can adjust the sensitivity so you don't get unwanted far away noises or normal noises that occur.
Crlnprz 11
why not just use the recording app thats already on the phone?
prettipinkchick 5
The one I have for my iPhone is 'Smart Alarm' :)
ejrpeanut 0
I have an app that records you while you sleep but it only records the sounds you make and shows you what time you made that noise instead of having to listen to 8 hours of sleep
cheer4everever 0
What is this app?
jemmers 13
The phone(or iPod) has been diseased with the sounds of your parents. Burn it!
RacerX1695 1
My parents would probably say that my snoring actually sounds like them having sex…
deepunder 17
At least you know it works...
Xythenol 6
You should play it for them.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Hey, mom! I want an iPhone!" "No." *Plays recording* "...Honey, let's go get you a brand new iPhone!"
Anth194 3
Why would she buy an iPhone? It's not like OP is blackmailing her mother.
MDTeddy 13
That is true, but she has to make it up for Op for being scarred like that.
FinJage 18
At least you proved your friends wrong. Unless the sound of your parents having sex suppressed your snoring.
brynom 8
Hahaha that's kinda an awful thought to think about...
FinJage 18
I guess it's better not to think about it then and leave the snoring to be a mystery.
outoftown 27
Or OP could ask his/her parents which night they plan to not have sex, so the app could get a clean read.
MeLuvBewbs 7
I would just tell my friends that I do snore. Better than telling them what you heard last night
whosindahouse 9
Or tell them you don't snore and don't tell them what you heard.
corinna12124 0
I would rather tell them wht happened I wouldn't be able to keep tht in
coughyochick 7
How did he deserve it? Some people just...why?
MidnaLink 35
Because some people just suck enough...
johnnyhye 1
There's always going to be people who pick it no matter what
saderboi41 10
Trolls. There will always be trolling on the Internet.
FuzzyJack 15
Well, that sure is something that you will never forget.
olpally 33
Take the phone, put it on your driveway, and run over it multiple times with your car. Then burn it to ashes.