Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML
Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML
Today, I woke up from a nap to a weird buzzing sound in my ear. Panicked, I swatted at my ear to get rid of what I thought was a fly. Instead, I hit my phone, which was on vibrate, and it fell on the tiled floor, spinning the screen into a cracked, shattered mess. FML
Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rukusrazor 0
Get a cover for that fan, or you will Final Destination yourself.
theoffkid 0
PHANTOM PHONE SYNDROME!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
sickinlove13 0
lmao. I wake myself up, too, by thinking my phone is ringing.
Naheelawhatwhat 0
Haha, that happens to me all the time too.
Notsobadboy 0
aha... this just rocks fyl
theoffkid 0
PHANTOM PHONE SYNDROME!
rukusrazor 0
Get a cover for that fan, or you will Final Destination yourself.
Rose_916 16
This made my day :D
JRSpaniel 0
That's pretty hilarious. XD
poolshark 0
This made me think of Mitch Hedberg's fan bit: "I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "No". So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no to. "Do you keep my hair in place?... Do you keep my documents in order?... Do you have three settings? Liar!" (Do you leave grate shaped bruises? Do you attack me while I am half asleep? Do you make a whirring sound that could be mistaken for my phone ringing?) "My fan ******* lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit."
emer_helena 0
Where was your fan that you managed to hit yourself on the head with it so hard you got a bruise? That does suck though. The only thing worse than waking up too early is waking up for no reason
fatfaceunited 0
Why are you in bed at 2?
Peachy2392 26
Some people have responsibilities to take care of that occur before 12pm.
fyrtiosexarton 12
i actually was woken by my phone ringing. it was my dad's female friend's boyfriend (who thought dad and his friend is getting it on) and he was calling to yell at him. at 2 am! and the next day i had TWO physics test i had to re-take. GEE!