The Top

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Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 93

Resistance

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the compact fluorescent light bulbs that I use to save money AND help the environment were too high of a wattage to put in my lamps. I've been doing this for years and completely missed the warning label on the inside of the lampshade that says that the lamp is only good for up to 40 watts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 728

Goodbye horses

By Not Again! - 14/06/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 383

There there

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 10:00

Today, my husband came home mid-day and told me he could never EVER go back to our local Starbucks. A fart had gone wrong. Horrifically wrong. On a day he wore shorts. Have you ever had to hold in laughter while comforting someone having an existential crisis? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 158

Weeb

By MonroeA - 19/01/2025 08:42 - United States

Today, my husband declared that his “dream” girl is a petite, black-haired Asian girl between the ages of 18-24. I am 37, 5’9, and a blonde Caucasian woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 195

Hi uncle, I'm dad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 76

Leg day (and night)

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 16:00

Today, after a long day at work, my legs were aching by the time I got home. Tired, I tried to go to bed early. Now the only thing preventing me from sleeping is the pain in my legs. It’s 4 a.m. now and no luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 109

Stealth bomb

By gassy - 03/03/2021 11:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, my boyfriend and I were setting up a desktop PC we'd bought second-hand. In the middle of this, he stopped, frowning, sniffed the air a few times and said we'd better give it a good dust, because it smelt like burning. I'd just farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 929

Roommates from hell

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 08:01

Today, my brother and I were nearly made homeless by a good friend and roommate, because after repeatedly leading on my brother, and admitting she’s disrespected me all along, she and her boyfriend took off suddenly without a word of notice, leaving us to a house we can't afford alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 126

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 419

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 120

I can't eat these

By brokedude - 14/03/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I got my birthday present from my dad. Instead of buying me things I told him I needed, he bought me collectible coins. I’m already stretched thin on my budget, and very stressed out. Looks like I’m living off Ramen and Oatmeal for the next 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 189

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 136

Jumping the gun

By kylie b - 06/09/2023 16:00

Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 115

The betrayal

By jealous of my friend - 14/06/2022 02:00

Today, after I invited my friend to a movie and she cancelled on me because she had to study, I obviously agreed and cancelled our tickets, I was scrolling through Instagram stories and came across hers, and saw she was with one of her friends in that same movie theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 122

Who's Dusty?

By DumpedPlusSizeGirl - 21/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the dog pulled out a dusty, size M thong from under our bed. I wear a size 3XL, so obviously it wasn’t mine. Only my husband and I live in this house. Not only was my husband’s affair inadvertently exposed, he impassively said, “The size of it should explain why I did it in the first place. Sorry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 316

Afraid of the dark

By Katie - 12/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 210

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 00:00

Today, the person recently hired to work in my spot during my days off started at a higher hourly rate than me, after I have been here for nearly three years. I asked for a raise and got a dollar more; meanwhile, my regional counterparts make 4 dollars more per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 179

Dates are there for a reason

By veeface - 24/05/2022 14:00

Today, I went to go cash a check that I'd been holding onto, so that I wouldn't spend the money until we really need it. When I was at the check stand, the man asked why I held onto the check for so long. I told him why. He went on to explain that the check had now expired, and I could no longer cash it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 572

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 18:00

Today, I kindly asked my irate mother to respect my boundaries and to find other outlets for her frustration. Instead of responding AT ALL to what I had asked, she yelled at me for an hour about a completely unrelated political documentary she'd seen on YouTube, and then didn't apologize for her outburst. Typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 156

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 116

Bummed out

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Steubenville

Today, I finally decided to open up to my supervisor about my horrible depression. I was crying my eyes out in her office when she announced that she had to leave and go to a meeting, leaving me to cry alone in her office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 406

It's not a phase!

By Dumped - 24/04/2021 20:08

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 106

Get better friends

By Q strikes again - 03/07/2022 00:00

Today, I introduced my two crazy friends who are both into QAnon to each other. It went so poorly that now they fight online over who has better facts, and they both complain to me about the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 969

Regular occurrence

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 483

One law for thee…

By Ryan - 14/07/2022 14:00

Today, I found out the off-duty cop who beat my face in front of a dozen witnesses was wasn’t even charged with assault. I have court in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 190

Weird assumption

By Umm... OK? - 16/10/2023 18:00

Today, my best friend has blocked or ghosted me on everything. Why? She showed me her plan for getting her life back on track. I pointed out that her creepy, controlling boyfriend would never allow her to do any of it. Somehow, she took that to mean that I'm in love with her, and that I'm trying to break them up on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 133

Covid depression

By Bhrugu - 03/05/2021 08:02 - India - Hyderabad

Today, after a month of online school due to the second wave of Covid in India, I discovered that I have lost the ability to enjoy most of everything I used to. I can't enjoy reading, eating, music, or everything else. The doctor says it's anhedonia. I'm not depressed, or at least that's I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 137

Twitchy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 08:01 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I still can't talk to cute girls my age without getting tics. I'm over 30, a lesbian, and technically still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 236

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The Top

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 387

You deserved it 5 080

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 183

You deserved it 3 421

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 56 811

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 4 294

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 659

You deserved it 1 573

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 242