Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML
Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML
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Top comments
Magoozala 17
If she's just a toddler, how did the goats have enough time to finish her bag of popcorn? Let alone swarm her?? What were you doing? Where were you?
cuz803 46
**** your life? What about your daughter? She must feel violated if the situation upsetted her. The worse you'll probably listen to is crying all the way home and asking for a new pair of shoes. I hope she didn't get injured.
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
**** your life? What about your daughter? She must feel violated if the situation upsetted her. The worse you'll probably listen to is crying all the way home and asking for a new pair of shoes. I hope she didn't get injured.
RichardPencil 32
Kids!?!? Am I right?! Your popcorn fountain of a child is the GOAT among the goats. You've got to have the shoes of the GOAT as a souvenir.
Magoozala 17
If she's just a toddler, how did the goats have enough time to finish her bag of popcorn? Let alone swarm her?? What were you doing? Where were you?
spinningrecords 14
Thugs saw her coming