Leave us alone

I'm innocent!

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

Leave us alone

Today, my adoptive parents were harassed yet again simply because they're black and I'm white. FML

Who am I?

Today, my parents swore up and down for the umpteenth time that I'm their biological child, even though they're both white and I'm very obviously Hispanic. I know I'm adopted and I even got proof, but they dismiss it as AI. They keep insisting that "genetics are weird." I just want them to be honest with me. FML

QAnon weirdoes

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

When Stranger Danger goes feral

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

It's a learned behavior

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

Never try this at home

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML