Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML
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Top comments
supimnyancat 9
Sure you were.
j_cat187 20
Umm yea let me just get my.... Umm hold on a sec...almost done. O wait, my pen is in my shirt pocket. How embarrassing.
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Comments (91)
jerry2011 4
How long it's going to take something from your pocket? Or did you climax so quick?
False_Stupidity 42
All it takes is a few seconds for a co-worker to walk past, see the OP's hand in his pocket and assume the worst...
perdix 31
Of course, you getting something out of your pocket: an ******. You shouldn't browsing Internet **** at work anyways. It blows your cover when you are going for a little pick-me-up during downtime in the office.
krez 20
That's what I always tell them too.
loserman67 36
Well, placing your hand in and out of your pocket, very quickly, 296 times and coming out empty handed followed by the subsequent wet spot on the pants may have been a big clue for everyone watching. Come on fess up, you were adjusting the boys, spreading them out to give them a little breathing room and got caught. What guy has not been caught playing a little pocket pool! They're your balls fidget with 'em, fondle 'em, trade 'em with your friends, just not in public.
copo37 7
Everyone's gotta check their three musketeers during the day. Your pants might be sticky before the work days even over with.
dookiedoo 0
Well **** it then. Might as well go splash one out on your boss's desk.
NDiesal10 2
People ********** at work all the time...stress reliever.
gruvychild 17
Why were they watching your pocket area anyway?
False_Stupidity 42
They may have just walked past seen the OP with hand in pocket and assumed the rest.. It doesn't necessarily mean he has a stalker studying his crotch.
gurly98 13
How is that masturbating
durkagihad 12
Stop wearing them skinny jeans bitch