Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
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Top comments
DntLookBack 29
And that is when you beat his ass.. Don't mess with a pregnant lady's food!
darkmis1 18
Make him buy you more. He's not the one carrying a baby that needs to eat as well.
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Comments (59)
jessherself13 21
They sell lollipops that are meant to help morning sickness, people used to buy them all the time at my old job. I hope your morning sickness gets less severe, and that your husband got you more snacks. Really though, you don't mess with a pregnant ladies food.
akiahara 14
But get the preggie pop drops, the lollipops have weird flavors like lavender.
vettle 6
Preggie pops are just over priced sour candy. I just bought some of that and worked like a charm!
NickaPLZ 26
And people wonder why murders are committed. F his L.
tararochelle 18
Hopefully the food he rushes to buy you is better than what you already had :)
akiahara 14
My boyfriend knows better. Preggie pops help a little. I hope he'll bring home some snacks for you... or he's quite rude.
trellz17 19
He must've been really hungry to eat ALL the food you bought. Make him buy some more or it's the couch for him
blurvsh 10
Oh hell no! I would have killed his ass.
McNikk 15
*Note for future use: NEVER steal you pregnant wife's snacks.
pumboc 23
You're right: she might post it on FML and then he'll get what's coming.
MrConcise 35
That's when you ask for two pounds of salted macadamia nuts on a silver platter within the next two minutes, followed by your husband getting on all fours to act as your footstool as you watch Maury.
gracehi 33
You see, whenever I have food I don't want anyone else to eat, I leave a little note on it like this: "To whom it may concern, This food is mine. Do not eat on pain of death. If you look at my food, I will know. If you smell my food, I will know. If you dream about my food while you drool on your pillow, I will know. Lesser offensives, such as looking at my food or dreaming about my food carries a minimum sentence of broken knee caps. Sniffing or touching my food will result in castration. If you eat my food, your may consider it your last meal. Thank you for reading my death threat, and have a lovely day." Then again, simply writing your name on it would probably work too.
gracehi 33
*you may consider. Damn you Swype.
simoncat 11
My brother used to lick things (cookies, fruit, cakes, etc.) to keep others from eating them.
TheJester12 15
He won't be coming back into the house any time soon unless he has McDonald's to appease his pregnant snack dragon of a wife .
raesos91 26
..unless they run out of fries. D: