Holy Testacles
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States
Wurdz is hard
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML
Top comments
doubleddun 9
That's brilliant
IconicLemon 8
HAHAHA. Your's and her face would have been priceless!
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Comments (92)
doubleddun 9
That's brilliant
WaSiSimiLang 8
Knock yourself out Knock out Wipe you out Exterminate you Eliminate you Bleh Meh Kill yourself. Yes, word association cum thesaurus in the brain is brilliant.
Inheritance 10
Her blank expression of surprise and what the hell was more or less priceless I bet.
LiesAndMischief 4
This is literally the first FML that actually made me laugh out loud. While everyone else in the house is sleeping, of course.
greenimk 4
"Hey can I borrow your phone?" "Kill yourself out." "..."
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
Seems like he's been on the internet for too long.
IconicLemon 8
HAHAHA. Your's and her face would have been priceless!
chatoyant_fml 12
That also might have been a good test to see if the girl got a sense of humor as well.
Cairo_Sanchez 8
You're a Champion!
mayyberry 4
'hey can I borrow your phone please?' 'kill yourself' Haha aw OP
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I can imagine this relationship a few years down the road, OP pulls out a ring: "Will you.. Will you.. Will you blow me?"
shellz102 12
Well that escalated quicky...
Wiringify 22
A few years is not so quick.
MormonPornstar 7
55 - She was talking about the 'blow me vs. marry me' comment. Open ze eyes
imavelociraptor 6
Well now she's DYING to go out with you :) Let us know how your first date goes OP.
cosmosis 12
Yeap. If only scoring a first date was as easy as lending someone a phone... Time to get out of the basement and into the real world chief.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Hey you never know when, where, or how you could meet your future bf/gf or spouse. My grandparents met on a train. My Papa was sitting in the aisle seat and my Nana was standing fairly close to him when the train suddenly lurched forward sending my Nana right into my Papa's lap! And the rest is history :)
bioboy725 10
25 And that's where babies come from!
imavelociraptor 6
12- for someone who spends so much time in the "real world" you have a very poor understanding of sarcasm. Video chatting doesn't count..... Chief :)
stompic 2
shit happens... FYL, dude :)
Jessiegirl122 7
oxyMORON.
KiddNYC1O 22
5- That's why we're on this site.
ljord2n 4
Haha great story to tell your grand children
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I hope you apologized and corrected yourself and then had a good laugh about it with her. :)
Ks22 4
Did she use the phone after you said that? How funny though.
Snackycake 20
Op's username:D
CharresBarkrey 16
... Is spelled wrong.
WaSiSimiLang 8
Testicles + tentacles = testacles. Op was cursing over a male squid/octopus.
CheeseTron 15
Chuck testa
Blacktom_fml 6
testaments plus testicles makes testacles
Enigmax2514 7
You should have went on and said "kill yourself, for you must have been an angel, and this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you". Starry, starry night...