Mr Strasbourg 30 years-old Single
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML
Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML
Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML
Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML
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