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Holy Testacles This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff United States

Wurdz is hard

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML

92

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Top comments

doubleddun 9

That's brilliant

IconicLemon 8

HAHAHA. Your's and her face would have been priceless!

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Comments (92)

perdix 31

Players know how to throw in an occasional "neg" to make their playthings fawn all over them. They know girls don't go for guys who do nothing but flatter and agree with them. Leading off with the biggest "neg" of all is a failing strategy. Next time, go with "pretty eyes, nice smile, cute shoes, . . ., you could afford to drop ten pounds." She'll want to borrow your phone so she can put her number in it ;) Call her, maybe.

XxQueenofPuppets 10

The man that tells me I need to drop ten pounds is going to magically gain weight with my foot up their ass.. Just sayin

perdix 31

Haha, that's pretty funny. You are quite witty. Ok, you've got fat feet but I can deal with that. Why don't you bring a bottle of wine to my place, Sugar Pie, and wear something sexy. Closed-toe shoes, please. (See how that works?)

onedirectionxx 8

Great! *clap clap clap*

dadyburger98 1

Haha nice thats what all of us girls just want to hear lol

Justy101 23

When she says "Excuse me?!" or something along those lines, this is when you reply with a "I said, Knock yourself out" and give her a slightly confused look.

marramrammar 2

You gave her the phone - so she understood.

kory_jenkins 5

O.O lol

LordVader789 3

Cute girls can do that to you, I for example accidentally called my crush a *****, but I immediately apologized to her and she forgave me.

neurodoc 1

At least you didn't say knock yourself up.

damn_homie 2

HAHAHAHAHA that was so funny. I wish I could've seen her face and yours.

Dillyduzit 23

Thanks for the good laugh, OP! FYL though.