Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex. With my stuffed turtle. On my bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
incorporate them
Mirorbo 27
Save the sex for at home, darling. Or a hotel/motel room! Anywhere else and you're BEGGING for trouble!
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Comments (195)
SugaryTears 0
they might have been sent by your boss, just saying. even if you did open the cage, they wouldn't go directly to a closet
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Effins?
loveluver7 0
ok of all places u had to pick a janitors closet to **** her. my god dude is ther something like wrong with ur mind.
andycmkennedy 0
'of all the places'…in a pet shop? where would you go?
RhynoBruZ 0
heyhey, cmon, 52's just a little jealous he/she doesnt get any
loveluver7 0
shut the **** up that's not true. I'm sure I get more than you.
nfc14 2
as long as you're ok size wise they arent going to interrupt
619warrior281 5
At least they wern't crickets..
LaChicaBonita 0
you're not getting paid to get laid, buddy boy! keep it in your pants until you get home! why are kids so obsessed with sex nowadays anyways?!
Connor_Williams 2
who has sex in a pet store?
soulfulemo 0
hearing animal noises probably turns them on
xFBIxPSYCOTICx 0
etleast you took a condom
manda_smith92 3
hey the salamanders just wanted a little live **** action!
EmilyFelton98 0
Lol Imagine The Salamanders FML- Today, This Guy Forgot To Lock Our Cage To Get His Rocks Off With This Girl. We Had To Experience This With Our Own Eyes But Found Out The Cage Wasn't Locked, So We Crawled Up Their Legs. FML
Das_Judenburg 0
Today, I found a retard that doesn't know that you don't capitalize every single word in a sentence. I now have brain damage. FML