Today, my 15 year-old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML
Today, my longtime partner had a mental breakdown and broke into my home. After forcefully having to get him out of my house and dealing with Police all morning, my 16-year-old daughter decided to tell me that she's pregnant. She thought one hour after a break in was the right time to tell me. FML
Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out that she's pregnant and has spent the last 5 hours in the bathroom crying at “what her father is going to think”. She’s 32 years old for god's sake, in an adult relationship, and still thinks her father is going to be angry at her. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
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Top comments
davehorn 1
birth control dumbass!
knights95 9
Op should've taken some of his girlfriend birth control just to be extra safe.
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Comments (539)
mhayes119_fml 0
your a real straight shooter hah=)
doyougiveacrap 0
wince
fantita495 19
my advice is RUN LIKE A MOFO!! or you could always hire a bodyguard
FarSide 23
Good advice. Let the taxpayers take care of the baby for the next 18 years instead of the sorry-ass irresponsible father. Better Advice? Run your MOFO-running ass down, and give you a vasectomy. Teens (except for the oldest) who legally cannot have a credit card, an unrestricted drivers license, buy cigarettes, buy alcohol, attend an "R" rated movie alone, own property, buy a gun, enter a contract, or even drop out of school. I and millions in the USA and the World-over are ALREADY paying a FORTUNE in taxes to support these "Mature", "Ovulating", "Protected", "Practice-Safe-Sex", "Independent Thinking", "Ready", "In Love", "Trust-My-Partner" single-parent teens. And that's on TOP of government confiscating OUR money via TAXES so single-parent teens for the next 20 YEARS can have: 1) THEIR government-provided condoms, and 2) THEIR government-grants' paid Planned Parenthood abortions, while they live in 3) THEIR government-provided housing, eating 4) THEIR government-provided cheese, so they can take 5) THEIR government-provided bus ride, to drop off THEIR kid(s) at 6) THEIR government-provided day care, so they can attend 7) THEIR government-education program to get a minimum wage job and receive 8) THEIR government-provided Healthcare including full immunizations, SO THAT THEY... CAN pretend to "ACT like an adult", play "stink-finger" with their girlfriends, or ***** around with their "true love" boyfriends. But of course, all "WITHOUT any of the RESPONSIBILITIES of ADULTS". So that your "needs and urges" can get satisfied WITHOUT any consequences for you... because, after all, YOU are entitled to play like an adult. That is puke. I do not know of anyone who regular posts or visits FMYLife who enjoys the breadth of humor and sarcastic responses more than myself. But damnit-to-hell, there has GOT to be an occasional moment-of-truth. Many of you are hilarious and get my thumbs-up or thumbs-down for humor. But way too many (in general) are as dumb and as ignorant of life as a stump. The GOOD NEWS: I will be dead and gone soon enough, and YOU will grow up and learn that life is not all humorous, that YOU will be paying for the above, and YOU will eventually get your bolts-torqued. Our name is Legion. And with the end of this ad naseum diatribe, I am signing off FMYLife for a few months... I have overextended my stay.
niplipsip 9
Wow, FarSide.. I think I'm in love.
RobynL 0
that comment was so long, I can't reach the thumbs up/ down button for it on my phone. but if I could, it's a thumb's up for sure.
Insanebrony 6
I think you just won the Internet
yzf250rider88 2
ha you totally deserve this one. good luck dealing with her dad let's hope you dont make it out alive so theres one less idiot teenager around. I mean really come on 15yrs old really?
savage408 0
thats real a kid taking care of a kid hello
BADDiam 4
TIP:Watch your BACK!
LiveLaughLaugh 9
haha... YDI... control youreself. Seriously.
LiveLaughLaugh 9
*yourself
Millman_fml 9
You dumb ass! if your gonna have sex at that age, you need protection!
krysxkatastrophe 14
22. Condoms, VCF, or birth control should be used at any age, not just teen years.
allilovee 0
seriously why? we don't need another teenage mother..
Mattsta123 5
you're kinda ******
GodofCarnage 10
Omg you're so ******
Mekeritrig 15
Abortion dude. Nobody needs to know.
amanda_d95 9
Except all the people reading this FML
chelsadee 0
kill the baby?? oh yeah case that's gonna make his life a whole lot easier! Bull sh**! he'll have to live with the fact that he killed his child for the rest of his life!!
Awsumuzzie 12
Op can live 9 months longer by saying she cheated on him. That'll be more than enough time to save up some money to buy a body guard.
captainbj2 0
Why does your profile say you are not American? if you live in the USA, are you not American????
karagarren 8
probably she's from somewhere else but lives in America
Awsumuzzie 12
Because it also says that I'm super sarcastic.