Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML
Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML
Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML
Today, while my partner usually has their work mic muted, I went in and complained about my period. Turns out today was the one day they didn't have it muted. Their whole team heard, and I used to work with some of them. FML
Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML
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Top comments
myeverydaymylife 21
That obnoxious screaming child sound must be directly proportional to how everyone is feeling on the inside during the rants hahaha
patrickeli 15
Hearing the painful scream of a baby is a good way to scare you into taking your birth control on time, though. Creative.
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Comments (45)
Mauskau 36
I don't even know how you could tolerate that. It'd drive me nuts, I'd just want to leave. Screaming babies are horrible in general, hearing it daily would be horrible.
Haggis300 25
I think OP did that because she's warning herself of the dangers of not having her pills
Emmiii_fml 18
That's the whole point. The sound of the screaming baby will motivate her to not forget to take the pills :p
incoherentrmblr 22
I think your boss is using it as a pre-Festivus party more than a pre-Christmas party. All he's missing is an aluminum pole on a stand. Let the airing of Grievances begin...
PyroSam 21
Sounds like you're in for a festive firing.
2i1337i2iscore 13
Now that is Neuro-linguistic programming! Lol
myeverydaymylife 21
That obnoxious screaming child sound must be directly proportional to how everyone is feeling on the inside during the rants hahaha
IamHercules 24
Or how the boss sounds :P
aimzskee 30
Ah timing is a wonderful thing.
patrickeli 15
Hearing the painful scream of a baby is a good way to scare you into taking your birth control on time, though. Creative.
Deniika18 12
I was thinking the same thing! Very smart :P I may just change my alarm now lol
tygerarmy 35
Your boss must have been wondering why his whining was coming in stereo. If I was there, when your alarm went off, I wouldn't have been able to contain my laughter.
DARKDAY07 16
Just tell them it's a wireless baby monitor and that you need to go check on the baby
xxreikoxx 31
Please tell me your boss shut up and forgot about his rant, OP? I'd love to see a follow-up on this if possible! :D
FuKcMee 32
very appropriate ringtone lol