Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
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Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
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Comments (144)
RJB 0
so ur naked with cat and the corner applies how? I was naked from shower and decided to pick up my cat. Ass I am walking, my dad turns on the vacuum. Is that what you mean cuz otherwise I do not how the corner applies.. besides cats arent for wet naked bodies..
coolster56 0
wat part I put a shirt on after my shower do you not get
Barbourino 0
The cat and the guy were not expecting it
raspackman 0
shirtless not naked. and its called a towel they could be dry
Curtieeeez 0
Ow! D=
NGM_KID 0
HA!! I have a duck that when I try to pick him up, he scratches my arm so deep and sometimes I even bleed.....but yeah FYL!!
missyj0 12
You have a duck?...
lamby21 0
I'm pretty sure cats have 5 claws so...
miss_madison 10
He could have been gotten with a claw from the blacklegs, or the cat may have pushed off, slipped and pushed off again. There are many possibilities as to why OP has 6 bloody scratches instead of 5.
Otium_fml 3
Ouch, I know how you feel. My cat scratched my right arm the other day. My hand and arm is covered with several scratches. Plus that my cat once stabbed my neck.
un_loved3947 0
#11 the corner applies, because he didnt see his dad, so he could've put the cat down. && this totally sucksss. that must be killer & since im a nice person, and you're desperate....hi # 6 lol i agree with the Cat Yodeling. funny stuff.
gymbug_13 0
Why did you not have a shirt on? Thats akward with your cat...
Chocolate_Chunk 2
cats don't give a shit. You could even pick one up wearing a pink tutu.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
#6 Cat yodeling rocks! :D Get a siamese mix, they yodel more. 8)
RJB 0
Oh ok lol I didnt know it applied. but new rule Rule: Never pick up a cat if your A.Naked B. No Clothes. C.Wet D. CORNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oops. 16 that typo is lol much. funnier then the FML itself.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-