Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
slicing 0
Eh, #36, I said 3 claws. #30 said 6 legs. Where did you get 6 claws lol
TikkleMeTorry_fml 0
Hey #11. The corner applies because that means he/she didn't see their dad. Had they seen their dad with a vacuum, they PROBABLY woulda put the cat down before he turned the vacuum on.
DancinL 14
to all those saying he should have his cat declawed thats horrible imagine somebody taking out your fingernails thats the kind of pain i imagine they would be in
Chocolate_Chunk 2
again, it's not fingernails, it's fingers.
raged_fml 0
#56 you mean didn't say "then proceed" GJ OP.
joesmo 0
Whoops I ment didn't not did.
ecilart 0
ouch! :( I have a pretty big scar from when my cat was sitting in my lap and got startled and ran away.
Icalasari 0
Anybody saying get the cat declawed: Go and get your fingernails ripped out and your fingers tramautized so that your nails don't grow back. Then tell us what you think of declawing
Chocolate_Chunk 2
for the third time, removing fingernails is an awful analogy. You can still grab stuff without your nails, a cat can't without its claws. so the correct analogy is the amputation of the fingers.
AshlenDoll 0
EW, I hate cats
ecoboy19 0
Pwned
dancin303 0
#6 i love cats and i tried it with my cat. he started purring and doesnt get annoyed easily. then i tried it with my other cat. worked like a charm ;) but op been there and done that. not fun. but cats hate vacum and our skin is soft and their nails are long