Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
triscuit 0
Yeah #87 because you hate cats he deserved to get clawed by one. That makes so much sense. Ouch that sucks, I'm sorry. And thank you everyone standing up for not de-clawing cats! Its cruel.
EG_dod 0
At least you can lie and say you got mauled by a wolf or whatever.
jwsmythe 0
I've had cats around my whole life, so I guess I've learned to hold them so when they freak, the claws and teeth go away from me. I have one cat (now with my ex) who was the sweetest little kitten. When she first started going outside, she got her ass kicked by another cat, and wouldn't go outside for a month. I started playing rough with her. After a few weeks of that, she learned to fight. She's still really sweet, but when she wants to play, she's all claws and teeth. When I go to my ex's house, I still play with her (the cat, not the ex). You can tell when I've been there, I have scratches on my hands and forearms. :) When I was a kid, a cat got scared about something (or maybe nothing, who knows). I was laying on the floor watching TV. It came flying through the room, and on its way down the hallway crossed my arm, claws out the whole way. The scar showed for years.
legendaryxox 0
Well, look on the bright side.... if your hot, and you have scars, they can be a great conversation starter-just be creative as to why you have them! You were in a fight maybe?
lalap_fml 0
I agree with #21 and #64...
UnladyLikeBaby 0
Awh, poor cat.. i totally agree with #21 and #64
jellopudding 0
#86, of course. I was making fun of the people who said similar things like that before me.
joshymosh 0
cats have 4 claws on each foot.
anatomize 0
Glad I don't ever have to worry about this. Being allergic to cats has its perks.
briana83 0
I've had experiences similar to this sooo many times (well, except my shirt was on). FYL :-(