Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
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Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
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Comments (144)
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
DoorMatCat 3
yeah this fml was posted by a guy :)
mynameisnotjudie 0
ooohhhh. tough, man. = /
mrdeeds23 0
one of many reasons i hat cats lol
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2
Oh, it got scared and tried to protect itself! Why would you hate cats because of that? OP: That sucks! Happened to my mom when our cat fell in the bathtub... Ya, my mom was in it at the time... Not so pretty
olivesd23 0
hahahq when i was. kid. my sister was holding the cat that she had gotten for her birthday and the cat shit on her all over her shirt xD
Spirit_Of_Nature 0
#123 agreed . can't handle the claws then don't get a ******* cat . I have 3 and declawing is purely cruel. it's one of their only defense mechanisms since they obviously can't talk , for **** sakes .
suaveneanderthal 0
damn my cat hates the vacuum too
Chazlol 7
o_o =/
GloomySkyz 0
Ow, That has to suck. This is why i don't own cats. Though, I'd love to try cat Yodeling (Its a youtube video) SOMEBODY QUOTE THE NUMBER ON MY POST, IM DESPERATE. Not really, Love to see replies though
rc15 0
ouchhhh I like cats but not cats with claws. you should have them taken off...
Kronic_Kitten 0
Declawing a cat is very cruel......you try having the majority of your fingernails taken off and see how you like it
Chocolate_Chunk 2
fingernails? it's much worse than that. Cats use their claws to hold stuff, to climb and so on. It's more similar to cutting your whole fingers off.
Ang3lofd3ath167 18
You're a ******* idiot. I like people, but not people without brains
gymbug_13 0
The poor cat!! he was scared!!
WickedAwsum 0
Poor cat.. that darn vacuum.
nachooo 0
#1 is right, jus hope ur not a girl