Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
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Top comments
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
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Comments (66)
stickwoman 0
FIRST!!! YEYYYYYY!!!
wordgirl 0
You, stickwoman, are what we refer to as a troll. last FML, you were on there saying, "Am I second?" Now, here you are saying "First." Nobody gives a F**K. You only serve to make yourself look like the troll you are.
zippit09 0
Actually, that's not what a troll does. Its still a pretty pointless thing to be doing though.
stickwoman 0
And are you someone who replies to the first comment just to be on top?
huskycheer2015 0
I really hope your a guy...
alexandraa_fml 0
OP just isnt the cats meow :F
wienerwagon 0
That's not what a troll is you dumbass.
septemberlovebug 0
Apparently, wordgirl, you do care when people do that.. Otherwise, you wouldn't waste your time complaining about it, now would you? I think not...
wordgirl 0
I was saying that I don't care that she's first. Nobody cares that she's "first." Learn to read for content. It can be a real advantage in life.
eezoo07 0
You're all what the rest of normal society call TOOLS. Do you sit on FML all day just to make sure you have the 'first' comment or comment on top so someone will pay attention to you? It's okay that your mothers' didn't love you, there are other internet-obsessed, convention attending people with whom you can associate yourselves. Go to a bar, meet someone, and try to salvage what is left of your pathetically deteriorate lives.
Timeline 0
you realize you are the only one being a troll here
nolasaints 0
but 72 is right
Skimbap 0
Lol, 72 doesn't know what a tool means
innavoiG 9
72 wins
mollyluvsyew 0
Your just a bitter person.
sakurag0525 0
That's hurts a lot!!! X.X
Okie7123 0
I fail to see why the shirt not being on was worth mentioning after he just told us his nipple got cut badly...
youthink_fml 0
Cats suck and it sounds scummy to have so many dishes on the counter so YDI.
NoaLiberator 0
Ouch. My cat's favorite past-time is to lurk in the hallway at night, and scratch my legs as I go to the toilet. Cats are EVIL
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
isuckok 11
Op could have been male, and most guys after a long day take their shirts off.
ShadowlessSpear 21
"most"
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
youthink_fml 0
They're not evil, just stupid. You can't teach a cat anything, including to stay off the counter.
jamesds92 0
uhm it's called drying dishes on the counter. duh
floopyears7 0
wait r u a guy or girl? and why dont u clean ur kitchen once in a while
boatkicker 5
Maybe they were clean dishes? I dunno. I know some people keep their dishes on their counter because of a lack of cabinet space.
scyve 0
Ow, that has definitely got to hurt! My cat scratched me in panick too when we had a house guest, but t-shirts FTW!
Yaggi 0
oucchh that's gotta hurt =
cool_kid_cone 0
How do you make a cat go woof? Cover it in petrol and throw a lit match at it.
Jimboom 12
How do you make a dog go meeeeeeooooooww? Stick it in the freezer and then run him through a bandsaw!
jrbelle 0
You are disgusting!
Mads_1234 28
What the hell? That's terrible! I hope neither of you have pets.