Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
jellopudding 0
what!? a 6-legged cat? where can i get one?
Jboolia 0
Yeah, I've gotten plenty of scars from my cats, but I don't think any of them have been bad enough to write an FML about and I doubt yours are either... For any people thinking you should de-claw cats, you are selfish because it is a very cruel process that should be banned every where. If you're too much of a wuss to handle a cat with claws, then don't get one.
jellopudding 0
#20.... the last time I checked, being naked and having no clothes on were the same thing....
circleol 0
Hey, it could be worse....you could have six bloody holes, PLUS a torn shirt if you were wearing one! That does suck though.
Yatta_fml 0
That sucks... Though it isn't really a FML moment, people get scratched by cats all the time, it WAS really bad timing though. A lot of people replying here are coming off as really insensitive towards cats, too. Who would declaw a cat over it being scared? A lot if vets don't even do declawing because they love animals and are against it, since it's cruel. And to the people saying get a dog, that isn't really the point. Besides that the OP said they also have a dog, cats can be just as cool as a dog, though I suppose none of you would know since you're so set againt them on principle. My cat follows me around like a dog, sleeps at my feet when I'm on the computer, RUNS after us when we're walking the dog (she loves folllowing us on walks and gets upset if she isn't allowed to go), likes being packed around on shoulders for extended periods if time, and does her business outside, where we never have to deal with it.
Shizden 0
#6, hows this
Bunneh18 0
Cats suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks.
earsybearsy 0
cats do not suck...you suck mister #84 and whose name is Bunneh10...thats right...i went there....you suck and i hope you're okay mister f.m.l.er
metawarr556 3
#78, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're kidding.
xO_starstruck_xO 0
ew i hate cats. there ugly. you deserved it.