Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
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Top comments
Funnybunny_fml 3
i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.
paperfox_fml 0
#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-
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Comments (144)
Brasil_fml 0
if you're a woman, I bet you're sexier now =P
24788 7
Cats have done that to me so many times. Cats and dogs hate vacuums.
piddly_03 0
@21 ... nice use of twat, bro. and that sucks.
michelle4srs 0
#7 - Even if you de-claw your cat, you're only supposed to take out the front ones. The back ones are left for grip, otherwise it would be cruel.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
because removing your fingers doesn't matter as long as you still have your toes
shirvon100 0
You this girl at my school always has scratches on her chest from her cat. Now i know exactly how they happened Funny how i always notice the ones on her chest, right?
lackofcolour 0
two front paws, three claws on each . . . make sense? :) hahaha, yeah, #37! see the positive side.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
cats have 5 claws: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/66/190474388_017002ac4d.jpg (the fifth, on what is effectivly the cats thumb, is further back on the paw: http://maxshouse.com/anatomy/claws/Forepaw_skeleton_%20crop.jpg
nuclear 0
Ha.
lindsaymac 0
Dude, this happened to me about two weeks ago! I was lying on the couch holding my cat, and my dad dropped a pot in the kitchen and he went apeshit. I had 3 huge cuts on my stomach. FYL.
hustler123 0
Thats hurts so bad its happened to me before nd i hate it..hahahaha but its still funny
sevbaby 0
wow, for a second, i thought that he was saying that the vacuum made the bloody holes, and i was like WTF? WHY WAS HE VACUUMING AIR? AND HOW DID IT MAKE YOU BLEED? but then i got it. cat makes holes. XD