Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML
Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I realised that my landlord was peeking in the whole time through broken ventilator. Once he tried to get into my room, using his keys. I couldn't tell the landlord's wife, as I didn't have any proof so I left the house, even though my rent was long due. FML
Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML
Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML
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Top comments
icnburbbygrl 23
Did you answer the door with your pants around your ankles?
abhi95 31
Well I guess you don't have to pay the rent for a few months
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Comments (50)
singer0421 32
I think it's time to move out. Dealing with that landlord isn't worth it.
xuneventful 12
It's actually polite that he/she came to tell you it was them who backed up your car! But yea, I hope the two of you can compromise on any repairs, if needed (:
AmexBlack 24
Id love a follow up to this OP! What did you say to your landlord upon answering the door and hearing him out? I imagine it went something like this: Landlord: 'Apologies.. But I kind of just backed into your car..! It's a total wreck -' OP: 'Look, id love to stand here and discuss how badly you've destroyed my car - but right now I really want to go to my toilet and take a massive stinking dump. Can you come back in twenty to thirty minutes? Hopefully I should be done by then..?'
Soundslikeothers 15
I hate when that happens!
stiffster 5
Shit happens --not always where you want it to.
brittyboo123 35
At least your landlord told you. I hope you figured the situation out.
kasmol 16
Many, many questions. Why was your landlord there for two hours? I don't think I have spent two hours total with my landlord in 10 years. Were their harsh words? Sounds like the landlord was distracted. Had you been passing gas frequently? Perhaps his/her brain was deprived of oxygen. Did you stop mid-shit to answer the door or did you rush through? A good power shit is difficult to interrupt. In the future, after waiting at least 30 minutes, excuse yourself by stating you have something in the oven. Then go drop a deuce in leisure and make the landlord wait.
FranklySpeaking 11
I hope you actually finished the shit before getting up for the door. You ever hear bad news while being on the verge of ********? Your stomach just hurts ten times worse.
taintthekoalas 3
The perfect punishment...
Vita_1 30
You were holding your shit in for two hours?!?!
Epickitty58 29
I know. That takes skill.