Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter's school is furious because we were 3 hours late picking her up. My son, who was supposed to pick her up, apparently accidentally fell asleep after masturbating himself to exhaustion, which is why when we finally got home he was asleep with his pants down, porn still playing. FML
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "Sex". My son is 16. FML
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Top comments
marcelmg 10
What did he say when you called him? I'm coming?
goose12321 11
Well you know what they say, getting up (and ready for school) is the second hardest thing in the morning.
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Comments (138)
Ziggy122 15
Wake him up earlier and tell him to take care of his business ahead of time.
Zen_Mei 17
No need to stress; if he's old enough to whack off, he's old enough to walk or take the bus
FlyingPie 17
He was whacking off in the car while you were giving him a ride to school? Or am I not understanding this one?
MakinMills 12
how do you know what hes been doing? lol
iwadasn 33
If he does this so consistently, you should just leave him and let him deal with the consequences of unexcused absences. He's not going to become more responsible if you always fix his mistakes for him.
loserman67 36
He was getting ready. Nothing like busting a nut first thing in the a.m. to give you a better outlook for the day. Now he's nice and relaxed for that big math test!
spikekutter 9
how old is your son?
charvisioku 22
If he's old enough to wank, he's old enough to get the damn bus.
rampatmonkey 7
consistently walk into his room to "Make sure he's getting ready". An embarrassing encounter or two and he should get the message.
milmac 9
The first time, it wasn't your fault. Maybe not the second time. But by the 6th time... definitely YDI. Time to step up and be a parent. You're supposed to be the adult. You're supposed to be in charge. Next time, when it's time to go, tell him you're leaving in, say, two minutes, whether he's ready or not. Then do it. If he has to walk to school, tough luck. Maybe he'll get ready faster.