Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter's school is furious because we were 3 hours late picking her up. My son, who was supposed to pick her up, apparently accidentally fell asleep after masturbating himself to exhaustion, which is why when we finally got home he was asleep with his pants down, porn still playing. FML
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "Sex". My son is 16. FML
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Top comments
marcelmg 10
What did he say when you called him? I'm coming?
goose12321 11
Well you know what they say, getting up (and ready for school) is the second hardest thing in the morning.
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Comments (138)
kenoswild 14
I'm sorry to say, but your son has CMD. Compulsive Masturbatory Disorder.
wickedwyatt234 3
When in doubt, beat it out
Streetracer15 9
Make him walk if he is old enough to whack of then he is old enough to walk
meintx 9
Just set a specific time to leave the house and leave at that time whether he's in the car or not.
ratorr2 23
Really? You let this go on for SIX times in a row?? I would have put a stop to his ass after 2. Once, ok things happen. Twice, he's really pushing his luck and don't let it happen again. Three times, he would be grounded. YOU let it go on for SIX times, IN A ROW! YDI!
whY402Jay 12
He's at that age, I suppose.
80zChyld 2
How old is he?
lexiepullen 7
Check on him every 15 to 30 minutes. Hopefully that would help him get rid of his desires for the morning.
Bullshitname 4
Be a parent and talk to him about it. Threaten to use his behaviour to embarrass him, perhaps when his sister's friends are over.
MDNative 6
exactly how old is your "kid"