Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter's school is furious because we were 3 hours late picking her up. My son, who was supposed to pick her up, apparently accidentally fell asleep after masturbating himself to exhaustion, which is why when we finally got home he was asleep with his pants down, porn still playing. FML
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "Sex". My son is 16. FML
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Top comments
marcelmg 10
What did he say when you called him? I'm coming?
goose12321 11
Well you know what they say, getting up (and ready for school) is the second hardest thing in the morning.
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Comments (138)
iammeorami 25
"Wait dad I'm coming!
onorexveritas 24
I see he's a morning person
Grimnirwher9 21
Ask him to do that in the evening instead.
DanielleinDC 34
If your son is old enough to bash the bishop, he's old enough to get his lazy ass to school without you needing to drive him. This thing called a school bus, ya know? Or he can ride a bike or something.
xkncas 8
Make the douche walk, or start walking in on him with a camera making kissy kissy baby talk like a home video. Also say its going to be copied for the whole family for Christmas.
sh17happ3ns 5
your kid is awesome!
Mandie56 4
I do not even want to KNOW how you found out that he was beating it instead of getting ready. I just don't even want to know. The mental images are just overwhelming...
HibariXanxus 3
Oh puberty.
samimcCune 15
that's shitty but are you really that surprised? it's all human nature. maybe just tell him before bed is more pleasurable, whether it is or it isn't, and just maybe you'll get lucky and he'll change times. if no luck there, just tell him to change when he does it or you'll take all the damn doors off and he won't be able to do it at all. no reason for him to feel shamed and stop completely just need to make a minor adjustment in timing.
UnluckyDude96 8
Duty calls...