Today, I received a package addressed to my husband. I thought it was a surprise gift for me, so I excitedly opened it. It turned out to be a 3-foot tall realistic-looking penguin. Confused, I asked him about it. He sheepishly admitted he'd bought it to scare off the neighbor's cat, who's been using our garden as a litter tray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I received a package labeled “Confidential.” Excited, I opened it in front of my coworkers, thinking it was a PR gift. It was the new toilet seat I'd mistakenly sent to my work address instead of my house. FML
Today, I found a package outside my door and assumed that I'd drunk-ordered shit on Amazon. I opened it before checking the label, which I should've done because it was addressed to my neighbor, and contained 6 pounds of live crickets for someone's pet lizard. I have never closed a box faster. FML
Today, my husband was coming back after three weeks away for work. I was ready to surprise him when he walked in, but the cat took a foul shit in the litter box and the smell stressed me out so much that the first thing he heard was, "Clean the cat box!" FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML
Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
Today, I threw my clothes in the laundry and had only penguin pajamas to wear. My mother forgot to mention that she was expecting a handyman. Guess who got greeted by an adult woman in a penguin suit. FML
Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
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Top comments
Crowned Sataness 12
you thought it was a surprise for you, so instead of waiting for him to give it to you, you opened his mail. ydi yourself. it wasn't addressed to you
historygrad74 19
You open mail not addressed to you. That's a federal offense.
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Comments (6)
Crowned Sataness 12
you thought it was a surprise for you, so instead of waiting for him to give it to you, you opened his mail. ydi yourself. it wasn't addressed to you
historygrad74 19
You open mail not addressed to you. That's a federal offense.
Hangryko 32
Stop being entitled to opening mail not addressed to you. You're lucky your husband didn't press the issue. Yet.
idragosani 17
Why did you jump to the conclusion it was a gift for you?
rpy13 13
So, maybe don’t ******* open mail not addressed to you??? Like, DUH!!! Jesus Christ, this is basic societal expectations, you suck.
Lost Reggie 22
It could have been a lot worse, what if your husband has a kinky penguin fetish?