Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML
Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML
Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML
Today, I was yet again cat-called while out jogging, with many men calling me "sexy lady" and even commenting on my "birthing hips", all because I chose to wear compression pants. I'm not even a woman, I'm just a guy with a really big butt. FML
Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
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Top comments
Jarvo_666 6
Some acid will get that image right off. :)
sandwichmaterial 5
me gusta.
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Comments (244)
Jarvo_666 6
Some acid will get that image right off. :)
docbastard75 5
It would blind her yes,but the image is still saved in their occipital lobe. Hey be lucky he wasn't related to you or the image would constantly resurface, lol that's what happened to me :(
skiier4life 1
Trust him, he's a doctor.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
OP tapped that I bet
chester75 5
Well yeah who isn't turned on by a man in short shorts, and the older the better.
jayalexander 7
not a doctor, but a street pharmacist.
CattyPurry 0
just like wine. the older, the better. ;)
MJangel18 2
I think bleach would be the best
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Zout prob works better than bleach
tandem123 6
goo gone mixed with Tabasco is exceptionally good at removing those images.
Kamon97 23
Hey YDI for thinking there was more than one god ;p
ichikibobivopula 0
he's probably running to the beach to go skinny dipping.
Idonebeenhad 17
You're probably suffering from stupidity.
humorizer 14
I like the part where you kept looking. Whenever I accidentally glance at a woman's chest and notice that her nipples are showing through her shirt, I don't keep looking long enough to see whether the breasts will sway around... I immediately look away. Obviously you liked what you saw.
Soloman212 28
Swaying women breasts = swinging old man testicles?
freshV43 0
don't get mad get glad
PrimeStarscream 30
A+
sadistmonkey 19
He's probably not SUFFERING from stupidity. After all, ignorance is bliss right?
ichikibobivopula 0
this is true
Tektite 14
Why would you want to picture that? *shivers*
JoeTheMan12 0
you should kick him right there so he won't run naked again
CattyPurry 0
at least he didn't squat down on his knees infront of you and "drop it like it's hawt" xD
abi96 0
Get over yourself.
rallets 23
johnny knoxville up to his old shenanigans
TheChampagneBoi 5
a vodka could help erase it but that sucks
fanceh 10
op, my language arts teacher would love to have a copy of this. she has been looking for a good example of using sensory details to make the reader feel like they are there. well, I felt like I saw the balls myself.
aceingit 0
cool story bro
ohhhhsuuuup 0
at least it's not burned into your tv screen
number0 8
What kind of God do you worship, OP?
kittykat1497 7
This is the best worded FML I have ever read. Bravo OP, bravo.
IphonFML 6
the way u worded this FML actually pissed me off
juicedboi 7
It was like a grandfather clock, without the "L"...
evry1luvspuns 0
Do your balls hang low do they wobble to the floor...
ohmandapants 17
168- why? Too many "big words" for you too? I should think so, seeing as you can't even take the time to write out the word "you". I thought the wording of the FML made it even more amusing.
izzie321 27
One of those things where it's just so ugly you can't stop looking at it.
ZTD09 2
Ew...
genesisnirvana 11
would he happen to have been Hugh Hefner
JoeTheMan12 0
doesn't matter who it was...
omgcookeys 15
that must have been hella sexy.
talktomandybaby 8
omfg. that is disgusting. I am so sorry. FYL
krent14 0
you like old men i take it...
RaizerBerry 3
What...?
sandwichmaterial 5
me gusta.
Countrygirl5 8
!no me gusta!
anna15243 6
¡me disgusta!
sandwichmaterial 5
me gusta.
hello_jules 8
you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. haha :)
TheWonderchick 0
not really..
silversti 0
or wrong place at the right time?....think about it....
SamanthaRose143 6
So.Many.Big.Words!
your_ma 27
Big words? Like what? Pendulum? Wow you're super clever...
allmidnighteyes 11
"So.Many.Big.Words!" I can't help but wonder what you do in times of actual crises. "Too.Many.Thoughts.Brain.Overloading.Ahhh.jdfdljfnirubcjdannaoefuenjddc."
burninnapalm 5
words too big? me help with ouchy pain in head. pendulum, means big swingy thing. retinas. mean thing in seeing balls in head that let's you see through seeing balls. is ouchy pain all gone? (ps. that's was harder than I thought it would be to type... sorry if I made an "ouchy pain in you heads" :p)
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Antidisestablishmentarianism. There's a big word for you.
broomhildo 19
So.Many.Capital.Letters.And.Periods!
rallets 23
trolling win guys, good work
iizcalebhearmero 0
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. Now that's a big word.
TheFection 0
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
burninnapalm 5
Lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon Aka the longest word ever to be printed... and it's a food dish! (imagine having to order that) that took a while to type... let alone say
koe4 0
look up the scientific name for "titen"
dogpup4 23
Why is your head an explosion? Probably because of all those big words.
tacocannon99 5
it's hot. I for one want George bush in assless chaps bending over, for me to smack his velvety butcheeks with a tinsel and leather anal whip.
Goodatbeingbad 9
Even though you're joking, that's extremely disturbing.
jayalexander 7
oh my god you ARE Justin Bieber....
wordnerd42 0
It's funny, because if Boners made that comment, it would be at +100ish instead of buried.
tacocannon99 5
well I didn't mean to hurt feelings. the only scarier thing is that I say this even when I'm not on the Internet.
beaglegun 0
He will still look better than you. (; Stupid democratic communist!
tacocannon99 5
well beaglegun, I didn't know you felt that way... *satanically spawns a scalpel and rips out my crumbly urethra* and also, hes republican the practical opposite of a communist. which is you, a communist Cuban lady with small breasts who enjoyes making sweet love to her sheep's spiky rectums, especially using a nailgun for extra rectal stimulation.
phatdaddy62 23
Ummmm. You've put some thought into this. Was it while you were at Brokeback Mountain?
marandanicole 3
amen to that xD
tacocannon99 5
phatdaddy... what the ****? for your information I went to two mountains, and they were your moms sagging breasts, pleading to be torn from her crumbled shoulders. it's summer vacation, and I'm going into eighth grade. I don't have a ton to do.
Goodatbeingbad 9
Umm, you're going into eighth grade and you talk like this? How old are you? Thirteen? Your momma ought to slap you!
tacocannon99 5
So true *troll face*