Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I approached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ihartmytdi 23
Who knew that Chapstick could save you from a couple years of ridicule in college?
lchollett 22
Next time, try and save it by saying "Hey girl, guess what else this tongue can do." Trust me, no one will think it's creepy. *crosses fingers behind back*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (45)
whatunicorn 17
Unless you have a tendency of doing this a lot I don't see why you would be labeled as a creeper. Should've tried playing it off and just winked at her when you noticed it getting awkward. Anyways FYL.
pixierara 28
Somehow I don't think winking at her would've done well in this situation
igg125 30
Burt's bees is the way to go.
datkenna 20
Chapstick saves lives.
bellydancer82 15
Almost better than zoning out and having your eyes right on your hot teacher's boobs... I was known as the creepy lesbian for a year -_-
SecundusSecunda 27
Hey, OP, lip balm works pretty well Also, I sometimes use coconut oil before I leave home because I, too, suffer from extremely chapped lips (especially during the dry winters)
redscarf_fml 8
Licking chapped lips is the worst thing you could do for them. Proper lip care will keep you from looking like a creep and from having pained lips ?
GhostFox 34
Maybe try to give her an apology? Obviously do it with witnesses around and don't ask to speak with her privately, but just tell her that you were completely spaced out and didn't even see her. Mention that you were thinking about something major- issues at home or at work. Tell her that you have no intent toward interacting with her on any level besides that of classmates; and will do your best to stop your current 'deep thought' habit of picking your lips. Add that you are very sorry for discomforting her, and that it wasn't your intent. (If you aren't dating, you could even mention that you currently have no interest in those social aspects, maybe.)
Reborn_Ryan 2
Meth has that effect of people.
Bluepies 24
"Creepy" is one of the most damaging things to call a guy, because it takes little to no evidence, and any attempt made to dispel it comes off as even more creepy.
DanaeZee 18
I somehow get a "Tucker & Dale vs Evil" vibe -- sorry, it's just to funny!