Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I approached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
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Top comments
ihartmytdi 23
Who knew that Chapstick could save you from a couple years of ridicule in college?
lchollett 22
Next time, try and save it by saying "Hey girl, guess what else this tongue can do." Trust me, no one will think it's creepy. *crosses fingers behind back*
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Comments (45)
Musicstruck17 24
I zone out many times I completely understand. I remember once in high school it looked like I was starring at some guys butt but he just happen to start standing where I was already staring at. I could have easily been seen doing that and I also lick my chapped lips a lot. Totally feel your pain OP.
dhiran_singh 16
Maybe rub your lips instead of sticking your tongue out next time
PuppiesKisses 19
In 8th grade I zoned out starring at a map in class. The teacher arranged us in groups and it happened to be behind the popular girl. Despite me also being a girl and obviously zoned out she made a HUGE deal of it. I wish I had known then what I know now and told her how full of herself she was.
ouijacorn 9
Licking your lips only makes them more chapped; I recommend EOS or Burt's Bees.
TheFount 21
Yup... Sounds like girls. Hit the gym, then you can do it all you want and they'll ask you what you're planning on doing instead if what you're doing.
suckceed 17
Only way to get out of it is to do it a few more times and then shake your head and come back to yourself, thus turning it into a non creepy zone out you do when "thinking". Obv so at boys as well.
DrSirSexyLegs 15
Evan?