Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
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Top comments
FlamingTacos 7
Tomorrow she'll be telling you how to do taxes.
skyeyez9 25
"Yay, mommy went potty!"
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Comments (119)
mk58 31
This is an automatic favourite. What an adorable child! I'll admit, there are very few circumstances when I find children adorable - unless they're babies...
rattusrattus 19
But babies look like Winston Churchill, if he were to ever decide that caustic wit would not be sufficient for dealing with Nye Bevin...
Trisha_aus 15
I couldn't help but 'awe' :)
perdix 31
Get the "Super Duper Pooper" video. That will help you be able to control your bowels as well as a three-year-old.
darkkisses 6
Aw how adorable, it must be frustrating and gross because of the food poisoning, but at least you have a adorable daughter who loves you and wants to help you out. Feel better OP! ~K
bogan35 0
not as much of a fml as it is a sentiment of how adorable your daughter is. but yea sorry about the food poisoning!!
rattusrattus 19
Food poisoning makes it an FML. An adorable FML, but an FML. I once got food poisoning, so I feel for you, OP!
THE_A_TEEN 28
You claiming it's "Not an FML" basically means you are blaming the moderators for doing their miserable job since early 2009. Try being a moderator for a day with idiots claiming "It's not an FML", moderating ones with horrible grammar, and dealing with you everyday.
THE_A_TEEN 28
...and by you, I mean us and the special lot of people that Sirin fawns over while trying to conquer Europe. I think I should stop before they kill me.
llamafish 25
Looks like student has surpassed the master. No? Okay... *sits in corner*
fuckmebutdontfml 16
that's a smart 3 year old you got there!
netteg0806 0
That is toooo cute!
gracehi 33
"Bad, Mommy, bad! How many times have I told you to go in the potty?"
hereinnc 12
aww How cute!! Shows that your daughter wants to help you! Empathy is a rare trait in kids now a days!