Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
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Top comments
FlamingTacos 7
Tomorrow she'll be telling you how to do taxes.
skyeyez9 25
"Yay, mommy went potty!"
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Comments (119)
becka344 0
SOOO SWEET!! :O
lovebug76 8
that is so freaking adorable:D
evilplatypus 39
If it weren't so gross, it'd be adorable
mhopper 13
"It's coming out of me like lava!!!" Did anyone else think of bridesmaids with this FML?
StupidBunnies 10
Thats cute!
nightowl713 25
Know it sucks for you, but you have to admit that your daughter made a bad situation better! How could you not feel better when she says something so cute:)
zombiesdkdjdjf 1
Awuh that's too cute!
TechFire 25
Is it bad that Pearl's theme from the Phoenix Wright games started playing in my head right after reading this FML?
Calyx_fml 22
Your life blows... chunks.
LadyMacabre 6
"No Mommy! You're doing it wrong! Your tushy goes in the bowl!" I can see it now. Get well soon and cute kid.