Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML
Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
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Top comments
Despereaux 15
Kick him in the balls and say "just where I thought they would be too"
brebabee793 13
what a creep!
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Comments (186)
olpally 33
Bitch slap him in the face and say "oh, that's how you hit an asshole in the face."
yawateverok 10
how about u think of a beter comment cus ur joke sucks
Hockeyboy4280 18
How about you go back to the 2nd grade, because your spelling sucks.
Iceman225 11
hao bout u star spelleeng write? Idiot. And yes, that was funny.
olpally 33
33, you suck at spelling. Thumb me down all you want. I stand by comment, you bitch.
olpally 33
Your comment is just as condescending as mine are 46. With or without swear words. Your point being?
olpally 33
Yeah, just bury me because the trend is going that way. I'll just excuse myself and **** off now.
Pesticides 19
that'd be best. and try to expand your vocabulary in the meantime. cursing shows ignorance.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
not necessarily 86... olpally just ignore the douche bags of the fml site.
CharresBarkrey 16
Cursing doesn't show ignorance. They're just words. It shows that you're mad, if anything.
Pesticides 19
where I was reared, cursing shows lack in your established vocabulary. I guess it must be opinion based. But even then, it should be limited to some degree
feelingold 18
132 don't be so ******* supercilious
ginawater19 13
All I know is if I'm not swearing I'm not accurately expressing myself. Simple as that. If I say "clean your room" it doesn't mean anything close to "clean your ******* room you assfuck" ;) ill work on it and I don't like that I do it either but I embrace it cos thats how I express myself. Like Ricky from trailer park boys... Bad example :)
VeganVampyre 27
154- you should not be telling anyone to clean their room unless it's your child. And if that's how you speak to your children, I sincerely hope someone takes them away from you before you permanently **** up their lives. That's child abuse.
Pesticides 19
137 reared is the correct way of sayong brought up. animals are raised
How_you_doin 10
I had hoped it wouldn't come out this way but .....I........I love you too!!!!!!!!!!
angeluv_2014 22
176- What is wrong with you? Were you "reared" on pesticides? You sound like a complete ******* prick.
Ray9889 8
High Five him for being correct!
ManInTheMachine 20
I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed by what happened to OP, or that there are other places that the guy thought OP's nipples might've been. Either way, he needs psychiatric help. Or just needs to be thrown in a 6x6 cell. Still, FYL.
DKjazz 20
He needs a tutorial in basic human anatomy.
VeganVampyre 27
Nahh, all you really need to know is that the head is at the top, feet at the bottom. Now as for all the stuff in between... That's just too complicated. You can always just grab some random stranger to figure it out on.
Rm85RIDER11 12
WTF?
NeDaroft 5
Why the fondling?
jojimugo 20
Which titty first ?
Jemm_fml 29
I'm just curious as to what he would have said if he did not find them there.
Posthuman 26
"We'll shoot. Better try again tomorrow."
Jemm_fml 29
Fair enough.
angeluv_2014 22
Man, I love it when people's pictures match their comments! :D
Adree 15
Umm call the police?
crashhampster 3
Am I the only one wondering if this is a guy or a girl?
Jemm_fml 29
The little circle with the arrow pointing North East means male.
Mr_Satan 11
In 25's defense, if he/she is uing the phone app, it doesn't show gender symbols And no 36, the FML doesn't say OP's a guy, take your own advice
DaDezza244 31
58, oh really? Then explain why I can see the gender symbol. I'm also on my phone
kurodansei 16
Different people have different phones have different apps, It's not that complex of a concept.
Jezzikah 11
I'm on an iPhone 4 and I don't see gender symbols or ops country
CharresBarkrey 16
112 - I'm also on an iPhone 4 and I can see both... Nice try?
UsernameHere234 13
If you haven't updated the app you won't. Try updating it. You'll be surprised at all the changes.
ginawater19 13
#58, I hate humans like you. I only use the phone app for FML and it clearly shows that OP is a man. So how bout you reverse that advice you just gave and shove it up your ass.
Mr_Satan 11
Well, I'm on a wp7, love the OS on it, but they've always been behind on the apps, so feel free to continue being asshats if you want, thinking you know all there is to know
angeluv_2014 22
It actually doesn't show gender on the FML app...
_DudeGuy_ 16
Perdix, we all know you were the man grabbing op's nipples, don't even try to deny it.
perdix 31
#29, it wasn't me, but I was envious of the grabber until I saw the OP's gender. At least, I learned a better excuse than "Nipple Symmetry Check!" None of the women who slap me believe that random nipple checks are vital to breast health.
chuka81 27
The nipples are on the breast? Shocker!
maximus_prime 24
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
ThatPlankton 15
Relax OP. He was just preparing you for secret titty-twisting back attack ninjas!
Iniezian 18
OP's a dude...
Posthuman 26
65, guys are just as vulnerable to tittytwisters as girls.