Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML
Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML
Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML
Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xAkonz 10
Well good morning to you too.
Smashhoof 15
Sir doesn't exactly equate to old...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (76)
xAkonz 10
Well good morning to you too.
michaelaranda 28
Lol
CocaColaPepsi 13
Basic FML commenting rule# Never write LOL, you'll get a lot of thumbs down
AKGirlinSD 20
1...apparently that old man is Grumpy Gus in that community. I wouldn't need coffee for that job; that senior would wake me right up talking to me such as OP was talked to.
thatkidhesh 11
sounds like a Clint Eastwood character in real life.
IworkAt711 14
Clint Eastwood is a badass. This guy is just a dick.
Smashhoof 15
Sir doesn't exactly equate to old...
PulseShock 9
I'd hope he'd know that. He's fairly obviously just your average angry Old man, probably lived an unfulfilling life.
Jjimen1654 9
Very true, im 19 and customers at my job always call me sir. Its really just a way if showing respect.
MaxPlain69 8
He's rude! If he starts drowning, tell him to suck it up!
cuppycakeslove 20
He doesn't want to kill the man!
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Smart thinking! Sucking all the ocean water up will not only save himself, but keep other swimmers away from the dangers of the water!
MzZombicidal 36
Yes. Kill old men for being grumpy. Oh, wait… That would be genocide!
SylivionSypher 6
From what I learned on this site,old people are mean. Dont worry OP!
jojimugo 20
Nah .. Old people are ******* crazy and out of control
Joe9024 20
Old people are just old and they don't give a **** anymore.
Nordrag 26
Old people are still just people. Sometimes a bit lacking in self censorship but I mean they're not all identical.
Sir_drink_alot 20
I learnt from this site that everyone is mean :)
Rababco 29
That's because it's fmylife not lovemylife. It's just like the media, it's only the stupid/mean/crazy people that make the news or get a reality TV show.
FMLbutYDI 17
Reminds me of that Spongebob episode.
cuppycakeslove 20
oh yeah, THAT one episode out of the hundreds that are out there.
Nordrag 26
Oh oh I know this one. It was this episode with this sponge that had like square pants. And the whole episode was underwater. Ya, that one.
saidoh_fml 26
#5 it appears you misplaced your comment and intended to reply to #3, hence the confusion. (It's a reference to Spongebob sucking up all the ocean water in an attempt to save Patrick.) At least that's what I gathered since I immediately thought of Spongebob when I saw 3's comment, but I could be wrong.
Kimmismith 11
He doesn't want to accept reality
Weika 5
So he substituted his own.
michaelaranda 28
Interesting
Clay_Pidgeon 11
YDI. You should of said "Shoals my good man, doth thou have a splendid day"
katiesam199 11
Yeah... What?
IscoreOnU 19
Can't decide if I love or hate old people. Every time I get on here my opinion changes, usually for the worse. They sure are devious *******.
WhiteCrimson 23
Now days the older generation tend to not want to grow old. They refuse to grow old.
BreynHope 11
Old people.. Either very nice or complete dickheads.