Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML
Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
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Top comments
Despereaux 15
Kick him in the balls and say "just where I thought they would be too"
brebabee793 13
what a creep!
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Comments (186)
brebabee793 13
what a creep!
Arrow44 10
Wait, you don't do that?
_DudeGuy_ 16
I thought grabbing people's nipples from behind was a polite way to say hello.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What a weirdo-o-oooo.
Posthuman 26
On her under-boobs? That's where I would have checked next.
QuinnyZebrass 11
Op is a man
Posthuman 26
Well shit. I was not paying attention to gender this time. I guess the next place to check would be his dick. Or HIS underboobs if he's a fatty.
MacMonster 10
@66, why are you guessing only the genitals?
vanity113 9
#32 Cool story...needs more o's!
jonha21 11
Snatch his balls with a knife and say "thats what I always that they were" :)
Flowsidon 6
Wtf?
Dewoe 18
#66 this time? uhu...
klc20071989_fml 20
That's just messed up
Damian95 16
Oh so when he does it all that happens is an FML is posted about him. When I do it everyone in the theatre flips shit and I get kicked out with a police threat...
Allennis44 16
I mean, where else would they be?
Despereaux 15
Kick him in the balls and say "just where I thought they would be too"
imaginaryvoice 18
Is there more than one place for nipples that I didn't know about?
ripresno 10
There are many places for nipples. There are many uses for nipples. Just ask any guy...
imaginaryvoice 18
I feel like I've been missing out on some important things...
timelessone 16
Nipples!
fluffycatsdad 33
Good answer!
FiFiLovee 26
Bewbies.. O_e They're fun to have! XD
InfamousRaider 15
If thats what you want to think.
ginawater19 13
#83, grow up. How are boobs fun? I mean for a girl anyway.. Bras ******* suck and it's not like I'm gonna play with my boobs. That's really weird for a girl to say. Respect your body.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
@152, who are you to judge a girl for loving her boobs? She's respecting the hell out of her body by liking it. A woman's curves are awesome, not something to hide or be ashamed of having. They can be a pain in the butt at times like you said, but don't shame anyone for loving theirs. Boobs are great! (As are no boobs, small boobs, big boobs -- as long as you love your body, it's awesome.)
girlbye23 15
How are you respecting your body by not loving it? I for one love my boobs (that was weird but oh well) practice what you preach.
angeluv_2014 22
**** YEAH! That's how you do it.
priest_of_war 10
That's just wrong
Posthuman 26
But it feels so right!
jkmartinjk 16
It's an FML for the guy who's never felt boobs!
CocaColaPepsi 13
OP is a guy not a girl, unless they have more to love he wouldn't have boobs. But when I was reading this FML I assumed he was a girl too until like 5 seconds ago when I clicked on it and saw the blue male sign
jkmartinjk 16
Ah ha, well then the creep has still never felt boobs!
pam241 15
Where do all these weirdos come from?
Siilverstar 1
United States?
katiesam199 11
I think 17 was referring to where OP is from.
lifesucks1217 6
people always blame the u.s for anything no matter what...
vegeta77 4
Yes, the US because we some how put out a homing beacon for every foreign weirdo.
j_cat187 20
Denmark?
crazytwinsmom 25
OP is in Arizona and the heat fries people's brains.
lesley3r3 22
Loooool I think I agree with that one xD
mim777 4
wallmart ?
summy15423 12
When a mama weirdo and a daddy weirdo love each other every much they decide too... Jk! Maybe it was a dare but anyway that really sucks OP
girlbye23 15
The freaks come out at night
buckstop1 37
Only one "L" in Walmart, mate
flashback.miss 28
Should've wheeled on him and crushed his dick. Or given him a purple nurple.
timelessone 16
or showed him ur profile pic.
angeluv_2014 22
Aaah damn, that is exactly what I was thinking! What the **** IS that??
Whatapuffchild 23
you should report him to the police for sexual assualt
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Your raised finger gives you so much authority :O Bow to the supreme ruler!!!
JACKxRAWR 22
Damnit #55, she hurt her finger. HER FINGER. She needs that for doing finger stuff.
RedPillSucks 33
OP: wait right here while I get the police. They'll bring you to a place where lots of people will explore where nipples might be. ... Hey! Where're you going?
Whatapuffchild 23
what finger stuff...
golden_warrior 23
And then you socked him right in the face, right?
deathy94 14
*balls
flockz 20
*faceballs
Posthuman 26
Are you implying that the mystery nipple grabber is a ballchinian?
rg350dx 29
Get an officer to slap some handcuffs on him and let him imagine where his next sexual encounter in jail will come from.
feelingold 18
given his moob-grabbing, I suspect he might actually enjoy that.......
angeluv_2014 22
Your picture matches perfectly with your comment.
jojimugo 20
Buy a whistle .... That's just beyond wrong
vegeta77 4
Pepper spray hurts more.
lilhellian 27
Taser to the balls? I mean the one you shoot with little barbs on it!
ginawater19 13
Hahaha the rape whistle!
Ki11erC 18
OP is male, there's something even more wrong if they have to carry a whistle :s