Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling, "Who's your daddy?" at his plate of barbecued meat, and my mom just sat there with that, "What the hell happened to my life?" look on her face. FML
Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML
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Top comments
Mattfail 0
Wow.... Your dad must suck
Nonamerequired 0
I think he's more likely to mess up the names than the faces.
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Comments (80)
IOwnedYou 0
That sucks so bad, he'll probably give more to your sister when he dies. Damn, that sucks. ):
chicadominicana 0
wow my names vanessa too and my dads the same way. he likes my sister more than me aswell. but im like whatever with him because he hasent been a real father to me anyway.
fckaduck 0
Thanks for sharing.
were_giraffe 2
in the morning ask him how his head feels and then explain that he came home really drunk and that you'd helped him out... don't mention what he said... just be really sweet and ask if he's feeling ok... if he has a memory of it, he'll remember the crappy things he said and realize he said them to you. let him wallow in guilt for a while
stone_light 0
well helping him to the couch and cleaning up after him: dammit stop being so useless
wheeler92594 0
That six
themachinist 0
You might want to call your Al-Anon service center there where you live. There's meetings everywhere. There's no need to feel ashamed, drunks are sick people but often it is us--the victims, who are sicker than them.
suri23 11
Oh my god, don't listen to that sick man! FYL now, but I hope better days ahead for you when you leave home.
raulen 0
you people need to stop assuming this guy is an alcoholic just because he came home drunk while his daughter happened to be home. 1)You don't know her age- she may be in college but living at home. 2)You dont know her family- if she is too young (which im assiming she's NOT) then her mother or older sibling may be home. 3) Just because he has kids it does not mean that he cant go out every now and then You people need to stop over reacting and jumping to conclusions- this site is aimed towards humour not the humour-less
fckaduck 0
*High five My thoughts exactly.
honeyishrnkdakid 2
he was drunk and so got the names confused. he meant that the person helping him was great and the person not helping him was useless and so you (vanessa) are the great one, not the useless one.
lovielady 0
Im an identical twin and this happens to me all the time, my dad came up with a code word for each of us so he would know which he was talking to, we told eachother our code words to find out what he thinks about each one of us.
Redneck325Ci 0
For some reason, I'm actually interested in how this turned out...so tell me? Lol