Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (324)
jess6blondie9 3
Haha!
truehitman2010 0
lmfao
tinfire 0
that made me laugh out loud haha u know u liked it lol
meowmeowwkitty 0
you just want her too
hannah1203 2
Feed the shark some fish lol
lickalotofpuss1 2
Lmao nice!
JenL_fml 7
LOL!!!!! I'm sorry to hear that... v.v
enoughgrace 4
at least he didn't pull it out and call it Excalibur!
JenL_fml 7
Now THAT would be most unfortunate. Heh heh.
tease 0
Put it in ur mouth!!!
scrambles_49 0
FTW
hideyoself 4
When you cage the shark, he comes out in beast mode.
BWill9014 4
LOL
stayawakee 0
That's actually pretty funny. Learn to have a sense of humor.
BloodyHeel 8
I'd honestly love to see 91 big fat men get out their dicks and attack your face with them. God that would be nice. And obviously you'd love it too, cos of your great sense of humour.
stayawakee 0
..... What does that have to do with this FML?
binkybaby 3
Um...angsty much?
Mitch_Connor 11
You're gonna need a bigger mouth.
samadams42 0
Win^