Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
frankq555 3
haha
cotter96 0
haha
hahayousucks 3
lol jaws dies... so slap it around a few times, it'll die
DropTheDaggerxx 31
That's amazing.
meowmeowwkitty 0
def not a FML if he's hot, get someee
meowmeowwkitty 0
or if you love him ofcourse ;)
actingbro 3
I like 143's point of view, it's kinda hot
bariforlife 0
lol hahaha
neftajr 0
open wide!
UrDunSon 0
wait shouldn't she be the shark?
DearlyBeloved20 3
Yeah the shark will swallow you whole
Pawned71 0
throw a harpoon at it before it eats u!!!!
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
lmao
TayonaC 10
ok now that wasn't funny
rawrgle 7
You better eat the shark before it eats you.
yourmomsvagina 5
Lol
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
banana_buddy 6
LMAO Gregor nice one.
SkateElement44 0
Why was she out of the kitchen? Did someone put a couch in there?
kappaaa 12
#127.. you're a tossa.
snowfox_fml 10
don't be a sexist douche 127
musiclover087 0
WTF?!?!
docscientist 10
At least he didn't pull a fly out of his penis.
insanesna1l 0
ba dum cha! should have grabbed his balls and told him to keep it zipped up until you say otherwise
ashley471 0
win ^
yesiyes 0
LOOOOL,hes a keeper! :D
mightymart 5
wow get a Life 151..
NickK49 0
Where did that come from 169?
yesiyes 0
ok?151 soundss kindaaa creepy.. :O dammit i dont get the fisherman humor-___-
lokita5 0
I know rite!! :)
Foltzie 0
I play that game with my gf all the time. She loves it
vadroman 0
she is a wife type. marry her!
daaron 3
I agree if u don't I will
patty96 0
wow really??
SEC_Owns 0
Sounds like a bamf boyfriend!
ImaginaryFoe 1
I have to agree. Unless you were having the shittiest day ever, this is funny and sweet, in a sick way. If your senses of humour are so incompatible that you feel this is an FML, you're probably not going to last long as a couple.
SEC_Owns 0
Well said!^
ifmlftw 0
is that a pig?
Lallafa 0
I wish I could give this post more thumbs up...
amerwin 3
You should have given him some hammerhead.
hedgerow 0
and some great white as reward
ahhitsjessi88 0
hahhaha! (:
jellybean91 12
wow
Rileysmiley1996 0
haha thats funny
batummshakalaka 1
lol
CaptSkippy 9
she should have eaten the shark...
TheNewGuy03 29
...and she will have some great white as a reward, if she doesn't bite! |the kid|
Squeaknique 2
Heh..those comments are /oozing/ with win...
Rei_Ayanami 18
Normally I would find that rather ignorant, but it's actually quite funny.
lemoncows 2
you're so ignorant you can't even use the term ignorant correctly.
defQ 0
Hahahaha ultra win ^^^^
Rei_Ayanami 18
Allow me to rephrase my comment, "Normally I call somebody who did that ignorant" of course meaning ignorant to what people will and will not tolerate.
ERich331 3
how does that make him ignorant?
jrsgreenfire257 0
haha
dannyburge 1
i would like to high five your boyfriend
obviouslyimdrunk 0
but his hand was on his.....mmkay
punkrulz 1
I would imagine there is a good chance he has two hands... or could wash them after the hilarity has ensued. Personally I'm sure everyone touches their privates at some point during the day but what do I know. I wanna high five this guy too!
TheDeadlyBones 0
hey!!! maybe this guy wants to high five that guys mmkay hand!!! or his mmkay itself!!! who knows!!! XP
DocBastard 40
Would you say your boyfriend was a Great White or a guppy?
iliketurdles 7
what if he's black? I know, I'm terrible but I'm sorry, I couldn't help my self.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
And if he's Asian.. Lemon shark.
lol_ironic_life 9
lol what about a bamboo shark for Asian?
iloveboyswittats 10
Captain obvious
Kelita 0
WELL op did say FML at the end soooo I'm guessin he's a guppy.....
ZTB13 4
It's not the size of the shark... It's the motion if the ocean.
dakins 0
lol