Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
Today, I was sitting on the bus and the guy in front of me turned around and asked for a dollar. I politely said no. Now he won’t stop farting. I literally hate leaving my house anymore. FML
Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was in the elevator with my boss when I accidentally let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML
Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML
Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML
Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML
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Top comments
DawnShadow_fml 5
I love this wording.
waterkins 7
Should have puked on him
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Comments (100)
happle 21
The description alone made me smell it too... D:
jgriff79 23
Nuclear farts cause pink eye!
jxcala 10
Only if it's on someone's pillow. ;)
Axipiter 24
Or their eye. That one's a little harder to pull off, but much more rewarding.
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
You should become a writer, op.
Pharmgrl03 9
A very descriptive kids book author.
Reaper1984 13
"more room out than in" I always say
ChefRonny903 3
"Better out then in"
ajh1800 25
Better out THAN in... I wouldn't want it going back inside me...
S182 15
Lol @ the imagery of 43's comment.
jxcala 10
"Basking in the ambience."
perdix 31
Where exactly on the Shame Spiral is "eating at Taco Bell" compared to "owning up to one's own farts?" I hope you get off the bus before he does, because his stop is Rock Bottom.
katnisse12 6
I have this one friend who farts like that all the time- and the best part is, they don't have a sense of smell so they have no idea what the rest of us are suffering through.
shorty6823 28
Just wondering how you could sterilize 5 generations when you couldn't have made it past the first.....
Shrike 24
Since you're having a little trouble with basic English here, I'll just point out the key word for you: "retroactively."
dieselwrench4 4
farts make people giggle....
doritowhore 9
I think the correct word here is "gag".
BlueFlatts 20
The fine line that separate these two has to do with a combination of sound and potency.
krakhd 15
that's just nasty.