Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML
Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML
Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML
Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
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Top comments
xAkonz 10
Well good morning to you too.
Smashhoof 15
Sir doesn't exactly equate to old...
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Comments (76)
lysx84 24
55 isn't that old, my mum is around there now, she'd probably be highly offended if someone called her "ma'am". It's a rather archaic practice these days, no longer carrying the respect it used to have. Using "sir" or "ma'am" does suggest op thinks of the client as being old, maybe client doesn't agree.
doodlecloud 27
I disagree. Maybe some people think that way but I'm afraid that's their problem. At work, I greet everyone with 'sir' or 'ma'am' (unless they're a child in which case boys get 'sir' or 'young man' and girls get 'miss' or 'young lady'). Firstly I'd get told off if I didn't, but most importantly, no-one has ever objected.
Needafarm 22
You: "Good morning 'Dude'" Him: "Cut the shit kid, Call me Brah. We're practically brothers." I don't think you will win with him. It's not that he's old, its that he lives in a home.
graceinsheepwear 34
A.55 plus community isn't a home. It's probably an upscale condo complex with a pool, a weight room, and no teenagers to contend with.
fluffycatsdad 33
Guess he goes to the top of the A-List. A-Hole List, that is.
CrissyyyS2 22
Sir doesn't even mean he's old. Guess he doesn't want to be reminded how much closer he's to his death bed.
onorexveritas 24
that's the old and senile for ya
perdix 31
"Yeah, dude, but I'll bet you are old enough to know the lyrics to Phil Collins' 'In the Air Tonight,' aren't you? I hope nothing bad happens to you, heh-heh-heh."
michaelaranda 28
Lol
Tavon2522 4
That's funny
jenaayy 7
Lol, my mom says that all the Time because 39 is still Young....
saxybandgeek 14
I'm about to go lifeguard at 5:30 am and everyone there that early is old, but they are all super nice and wave to me when they come in haha
perdix 31
#49, yeah, but you're a "saxy band geek" so not only do you rock the bathing suit, I'll bet you can also play "Take the A Train" and "Sweet Georgia Brown." No wonder the old folks love you!