Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Tell him this: "Babe, why don't we wait a few years and give your **** time to grow, mkay?"
Lackadaisy_Baby 0
Assuming he was being serious about the "tighten back up" bit, your boyfriend's a ******* tard. The only thing that could really "loosen" the ****** is childbirth, and even then, that's only temporary most of the time. And I seriously doubt his dick's the circumference of a baby's head.
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Comments (144)
Darthbane2007 19
Probably nowhere near as loose as my asshole.
Jaque_Aze 0
And what's you're nickname, grand canyon?
genius_man16 1
I think your BF might be gay. I mean what guy turns down sex b/c his GF isn't tight enough? I mean jesus, it doesn't stretch out THAT much.
screwtaylor 0
#60 I think you mean your*.
atvarela 0
When I become first, I think I'm going to do what everyone else did and put "First!" Thats what all the cool kids are doing, right?
kukopia 0
First has been done, to death. Only troubled, insecure douches do it anymore.
iljajlm 4
For once I'm at a loss for words. That's just wierd.
raNDMGUy 5
firstly, @75, hooray for grammar nazis, secondly, initiate sex? its not a robot function
fmlfmlfml15 0
Lmao I she could have easily said "have sex", but it kind of looks like she looked it up in the thesaurus
youreanidiot 0
... why didn't you just tell him to get a bigger dick and so it would be an F HIS life?
lovethewordnerd 0
I agree with #125! People who say 'initiate' is a weird word and she must have looked it up in a thesaurus must have an incredibly limited vernacular. And no, "initiate" is not a synonym of "have".
jpd212 1
fag!
MaskedManic 1
And no, "vernacular" is not a synonym of "vocabulary" The definition of vernacular is ''using a language or dialect native to a region or country rather than a literary, cultured, or foreign language''
AnaMaree 0
Who doesnt use initiate in everyday speech? "I initiated my boyfriend's **** and he came all over my face."
djb23 0
haha 155 FTW. OP, are you this woman? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGjElvt4nP8
minkledoo22 0
LOL..... Robot - "Initiating sex mode!... 3, 2, 1, OH OH OH!" Man - "Wait wait what the hell?!? AAAAHH!!!!"
dudeitsdanny 10
163 = My true love. Anyways, dump him for being an ignorant douche. Having lots of sex doesn't stretch out your ******. It's not a ******* rubberband, it's a muscle. It stays the same until childbirth, but even then it's not that much bigger once it heals. You're only tight if he's not doing his job right. And only loose(as it should be) if he's doing his job and making you horny.
leafsfan13 0
Ok seriously, the next person who comments as FIRST as in first to comment to something is a freakin idiot. It's starting to get annoying and I'm SURE that people who get comments like that for their posts get annoyed to. Honestly, stop sticking with the past and start posting real comments on the topic, please!
lifeislife_fml 0
"First" isn't annoying. The day that people stop posting "first" is the day that people stop replying to comment #1 just to get their post on the top of the page. Though they day that FMLs stopped containing "proceeded to" DID come (thanks to FML staff I think?), so you can still hope.
z3r0ram 0
learn krugals or whatever the hell it's called exercises the muscles so it's tight all the time
ariean 0
yes exercise your PC muscles, but still.. are you really that loose? then again, i agree with #131, maybe you're not the problem maybe he is. still a jerk for saying that though. and #155 you're right, initiated is part of everyday speech... except your example isn't quite how it's supposed to be used.
abortionbyboot 0
It's like making love with a warm bucket of water.
Elizabeth_0x 0
hahaha ! love it ! x
heathergenuine 3
you're retarded.
fmlfmlfml15 0
#147 I never said it was.....I just said when she puts it that way, like #104 and #163 have said, she kind of sounds like a robot, but thats just an opinion
BabyImTwisted 0
well.... YOU should of jus got on top & ride him, he'll most likely get in the mood.
arsewipe92 0
Ha ha very nice #131. It sounds like she could use some Kegel exercises.
TheMeow 0
I think YDI for being a loose ***** and HDI for being with a loose *****, as I stated below. Sucked in. Next time don't **** around so much, maybe your own BF won't think you're so loose.
LawliPopp 0
Wow you're dumb Being loose doesn't mean you're a cheater. ****** retard.
killabeast1 0
roflXD
XYZzzzzzzz 0
ROFL
ipwnnoobz 0
first
kye_kye16 0
lol thats funny
IsntThisAwkward 0
exercise your ****** muscles? are you serious..
firefaery 0
Ooohhh. Sounds like someone's spending some quality time on the couch. And 163... If I wasn't engaged, I'd ask you to marry me...
RTRbryant 0
your bf must not be a vagitarian but instead a carnivore iykwim
BB_ava 0
147, the phrase "initiate sex" is perfectly normal and commonly used. Please improve your vocabulary.
BB_ava 0
'initiate' isn't a synonym of 'have'. It means 'to start'. If you can't put two and two together, "initiate sex" --> "begin having sex"
kittykat1501 31
75 that's a first. It's usually the other way around!
catiepants 0
idiot
jackkerouc9 0
either your that gross or hes just that stupid. FBYLs
Sammara 0
He sounds swell! A real winner! I think this is the first FML to every make me go "Ewwwww."
Arcterion 0
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha
PeteyPablo12308 20
Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway..
theta_fml 0
Maybe you're just a **** and a little wide.
Shantar 0
Actually, the more orgasms a woman has, the tighter she is. Having lots of sex keeps the muscles there in good condition. It's celibacy that makes it loose. The assumption of virgins being tight is based on the fact that they usually are also young which adds to tightness.
GrAhAmKoVaCs 0
mybe ur just an asshole with a wide mouth
theta_fml 0
There is nothing wrong with being a jerk.
Emma_91 0
Maybe not but it's generally agreed that trolls are morons. :)
theta_fml 0
Please, I've seen much bigger idiots on this website.
theta_fml 0
Actually I can just repost this.
SuperMeme 0
Did someone call SuperMeme? OP: I agree with #142.
DeathShad0 1
Huh...thanks for that Shanter. Nice anatomy lesson. lol
Emma_91 0
Just because other people are morons doesn't really make it OK for you to troll.
draccon136 0
if that's true that actually changes my worldview, thank you
inconvienentgurl 0
wow...bc u werent tight enough? he could of at least opted for a bj to make u feel important x.x but then again not every1 tightens bak up fast...glad i do... so he wont let u get it every night bc ur a lil loose? pshht ass >.>
22jrdn55 15
y r u taking this serious? its just a story n it might not even b tru!!
marz88 0
hahaha I think the problem lies in the fact that you said "I tried to initiate sex"
VoxEOD 0
more like "why don't we wait bcuz i screwed someone just before coming here"
fuckyourmom 0
that's exactly what i was thinking...
filtration 0
yea, I thought that would've been a given.
canucksrule88 0
nobody likes a loose girl...its like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
brilliantbarbie 0
and nobody likes a pencil dick either.... why assume shes a ***** when he could just have a teeny dick to begin with???
adelaide_evening 0
Way to quote Stewie from Family Guy and try to pass it off as your own wit.
Vacant 7
That little 'saying' has been around before Family Guy was even thought of.
Sweet2020 4
Perhaps it is time to trade up....Size-wise I mean. Tough! I wish a m'fer would! Then again, I do my Kegel's, so maybe YDI.
PersnicketyPu55y 0
He sounds like an insensitive jerk. Maybe you should just dump him and **********.
lGreenspanl 2
so him not wanting to have sex with his girlfriend for once in his life makes him a insensitive jerk? He is not entitled to his own choice?
Puolukka 4
well, he could have just said that he's not in the mood instead of calling her "loose"