Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I saw a man at the gym glancing at me. I went over and said, "Are you ogling me?" kind of low key flirtatiously. He said, "No, I'm working out. Don't flatter yourself." FML
Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML
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Top comments
Lillinette 2
you'd tap that. admit it.
ffmmllyaya 0
confidence ftw
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Comments (280)
ocho117 0
First!!!
cheesy_donut 0
this is worse http://tinyurl.com/yz7dyfs/sammi/index.php?id=15c10675bd6f314e84aafd34c5723eef
ehbabeyyyXxx 0
bahhahhahahah
wrestlerbeast 0
maybe he's not to up tight in bed hahaha.... ok I know that was stupid any confidence boosters from yall would be appreciated.;)
ashlynn610 12
that's creepy D:
metalhead256 0
lol this made my day win for old perverts
seanreddog 4
an old man made a joke, big deal
tj41567 0
lmfao not realy a fml but funny as hell
AndreaHaha 0
lmao that's funny
redshortsx 0
that's ****** creepy
BigBoner 0
YDI for living in Michigan
deathcab7 0
ewww haha
zdizzle123 0
he wants to get in yo pantz!!! hahaha poor old guy... but honestly what wud u say back 2 that???
sc95060sc 0
take a ****** joke
ToxicKittieh 0
How is there a pool open in the middle of March? In Michigan?
davidmechaly 0
take it as a compliment :D
cosmicparallax 0
It's probably an indoor pool. Like at the YMCA or something.
beau11 0
that's a wierdo
seanreddog 4
Ever heard of an indoor pool?
ToxicKittieh 0
What is this indoors you speak of?
AngryNinja 1
'today, i realized i'm pretty enough to be hit on by old guys in sexy speedos. fml.'
ToxicKittieh 0
I can smell, the toxic fumes, in the air, but no one cares. As I learn, my head will turn, into a symbiotic hand.
AngryNinja 1
100, are you high?
WompWompDub_Step 0
yes, 103, apparently on toxic fumes...
ToxicKittieh 0
Maybe <_< >_>
AngryNinja 1
hxc!
ToxicKittieh 0
P. E. N. I. S. spells penis. Whats up? Confluxiation. On Venus. Lower gravitational pull, on my dick. Pull really hard and you'll get some sick shit. On your face, yes it's white, here it comes, heres the cream. Wipe it from, your face, and say nice. Whats up? Thats random. W. T. F. spells what the ****.
ahugit 0
#88 - ever heard of an INDOOR pool? They're generally opened year round.... including winter. lol
fmlsoobad 0
just an evryday old perv
ToxicKittieh 0
Yeah, yeah.
epound28 0
Where's the FML here? I enjoy old men in speedos.
ydiftw 0
That reminds me of the time my mom ran around kicking people and saying roundhouse while ssinging cant touch me
daniel1_1 13
ew indeed
alleyx3 0
hahahah wow
seanreddog 4
Come on, you know you've had fantasies about this before, why not take a chance.
StoryOfTheYear 15
she digs him, you know it, she called him a gentleman
crailboyne 0
how is this a big deal? I have fantasies about older men all the time....and I'm a guy.
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ that's... um... nice? I guess?
thenormalguy 0
137 is win
Killah_Jay 0
Too late...
gregsdaman 0
yea bc they r swimming in Michigan right now...cough*cough*FAKEcough*cough*
marleytooyou 0
cough cough indoor pool cough!!!
StoryOfTheYear 15
171- there's this AMAZING thing they have nowadays called indoor heating, now you can have indoor pools! omg the things they think of nowadays
reagan5194 0
TFT
YourEvilHero 12
life guards at indoor pools? never seen em
StoryOfTheYear 15
they are required in most states
alexandraa_fml 0
There's always atleast two at my YMCA indoor pool.. just lurking to wait and tell me after 15 minutes I've been in the hot tub long enough. >:(
InCaged_Insanity 0
old man ftw!!
luda111b 0
#171 FAIL!! haha and yeah, they do have lifeguards at indoor pools. people don't have to be outdoors to drown.
panic222354 0
WTF?
charlie_schmidt4 0
at least now you don't have to hide it
MjSmittys 0
how do you know it's a she
harryman04 0
@202 scroll to the very top of the fml and look in the top right corner. a female sign.
kk2krazee 0
Thank you #190 for putting that out there. Some people are so ignorant. OP: big deal
wrestlerbeast 0
165 scares me.... like literally he's the kinda people my parents warn me about....
comedychick 1
Rofl! omg haha
giggleygirl 0
that's wrong on sooo many levels :/
ILoveSoda 0
#218 are you homophobic or something? or very closeminded? I dunno how this is a fml, sure it's akward but seeing as you can't read emotion in texts it looks like a joke.
JRTheGreat 0
Thaaaaat's weird.
ps592 0
wtf 165
vergaso 0
well......r u gonna fantasis bout it? if so ydi
mrwakeemup 0
dude...dat suks
StoryOfTheYear 15
232- I am homophobic being a firm Christian I don't believe gays are natural, learn to use the front door, back door is for the fudge packers
KittehSayzRAWR 0
Lol smarty ;)
gods_hunter10 0
165 wow faget!!!!!!!!! how the **** can we survive if all were gay???? retarted father ducker
Linaelle 14
Maybe I'm missing context, but exactly what do you find to be homophobic in this comment ? Old-creeper-phobic, maybe...
ffmmllyaya 0
confidence ftw
wrestlerbeast 0
10000000th hahaha just kidding. well I mean I guess if u like older winkly mean that's cool
gymtanlaundry 0
i agree,
xStiglich 0
YDI for probly checking him out
hwkfan1 10
that sucks balls ( literally)
lezzyluver 0
haha old perverts for the win!!!
samham12345 3
ffmm wat does ftw mean ???
michael419 0
for the win
nessimonster 0
this is crazy... lmao the op is either that attactive or the old man is just crazy lmao
cristy91 33
ftw= for the win confidence is a sexy thing. op, next time give him a nice little growl ;]
ashlynn610 12
lmao I always thought ftw meant f*** the world!!! well now I know (:
epoh_fml 0
ok I get FTW but what does XD mean? I get the other ones from context but I've never understood XD.
ashlynn610 12
it's a laughing smiley face...
itz_towelie 6
i though XD was just like a wierd smiley face kinda thing, it actually means somthin?
beachgirl332 0
i thought that too at first lol
paigeatsflesh 11
I think it's funny ^-^
AngryNinja 1
73, i think it can mean both. depends on the context it's used in, i suppose.
Alicia_Raven7 0
i thought ftw= **** the world but meh. way to go old speedo dude xD
schnitzel5 0
wow...epic perverted old man win!
cater2U 0
ew that's weird... this is one reason why I'm afraid of old people
JattPutt 0
Confidence?! Dude, I would be so scared if some old man came up to me and said something like that. That just leads to embarresment which therefore does not lead to confidence, I think. Right?
Emofluffinzhehe 0
just like herbert the neighborhood pervert :3 mmmmmmmmmmmmm... lol
devl24 0
fake there are no pools open in Michigan this time of year!!!!
seanreddog 4
I like how to avoid the mods everyone replys to the second comment.
Phoenix_GAD 0
its called an indoor pool. They tend to be open during the winter. considering they are heated and indoors...
WolfsGuns 0
that's hella funny, it made my day
pedobearsstalker 0
sirin is annoying me
StoryOfTheYear 15
confidence is not sexy when you have 250 lb chicks asking you out
paigeatsflesh 11
this is very true^^^ I've had a lot of women ask me out... and I'm not into girls xD
seanreddog 4
If you have 250 lb girls asking you out you should feel ashamed they think you're in their league.
StoryOfTheYear 15
155- I was commenting on 66 saying confidence is sexy, I'm saying some chicks who need to swing their arms out and around when they walk are annoying when they have the confidence to ask me out, only to have that confidence shot down and burned
canchremechanic 0
155- win!
StoryOfTheYear 15
181- you and 155 fail to see the concept, said twice now, the reason they "think" they're in my league is because they have confidence, which I pointed out to 66, making it NOT sexy
seanreddog 4
I saw the concept. I just also saw you set yourself up for a jokes if you have 250 women asking you out. you're right though, confidence doesn't make someone less repulsive.
StoryOfTheYear 15
yah, don't worry I laugh at myself too, glad I could make a joke for you lol
hitfaceonbrick 0
Confidence can actually be quite a turn on. though sometimes the fugly takes beer goggles.
hedgerow 0
herbert!
CharliePoops 0
probably because you were staring...
idaniboo 0
I lol'd.
jasonsaied 1
Herbert only likes young boys
cyberotter 0
this was a girl
csin 0
Hey! After my swim, "you want a popsicle? My cellar's full of popsicles!" Buahahah!!!!
cristy91 33
hmmmmmmmmmm. *add creeper smile*
deathcab7 0
thats a creepy thought right there
madmonkeykilla 0
lol 250lb women are like mopeds, fun to ride but u don't want ur friends to find out
TeeHee124 0
lol ^^^^ possibly the best win I've ever seen
Lillinette 2
you'd tap that. admit it.
afatmonkey 0
Dean Connery said that to me once. Then he stared at the guy until he took off his clothes and made him some Mac 'N Cheese. Then he grinned and used his chest hair as a grappling hook to rise up into the clouds.
ahugit 0
^^^ this made me gag =/
paigeatsflesh 11
afatmonkey and me are getting married (x
Daerauko 0
I wanna go the reception! there better be an open bar!
paigeatsflesh 11
haha there will be:D your all invited.
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ rofl
paigeatsflesh 11
the funny thing is afatmonkey doesn't k ow about this wedding. so when the day comes I'll just have to bag him and tie him up to a chair and then when he has to say I do he'll have one of those super cool wheelchairs that can talk for you and I'll pressthe little buttons to make it say "I do" and then at the honey moon when were having sex we can do it family guy style "oh oh baby" "yeah I like that"
StoryOfTheYear 15
lol drop a bomb on him will yeh, just show and and hey.... were getting married 0_0 =o
paigeatsflesh 11
ahahaha. but I wanna use those super cool wheel chairs!
StoryOfTheYear 15
you by chance seen the bid (dunno if it's a movie or not) where there is a guy in one of those chairs who's a perve, it's funny cuz it says it in that monotone computer voice lol
paigeatsflesh 11
ahahaha no I have never seen it xD but I watched the family guy episode where he was like dint make me hit you and then he rams his wife with his wheel chair and then he goes you know I don't like to hurt you. aahahahaha then they have make up sex with there computer voicesxD it's so funny
StoryOfTheYear 15
:D lol, sounds funny but I tend to watch south park more than fg
purplemnm 9
maybe Stephan Hawking will let you borrow his.
paigeatsflesh 11
he has one?! :D score I'm gonna go ask him. and yeah south park is pretty funny. I don't wath it a lot though. I've only seen the one wherre everyone ignores that fat kid and the one where there in a bad er something. and the one where that fat kid goes to fat camp. hahaha
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ maybe Wal-Mart will let you borrow a bag to cover your head lol
StoryOfTheYear 15
meant for 207* jk tho lol sry Paige not 4 u XD
paigeatsflesh 11
ahaha I was offended xD I was like oh shit I didnt know I was that ugly >.< ahaha.
StoryOfTheYear 15
believe me I was like o shit too when I saw you posted first, well I'm off to go brush teeth, take out contacts, etc. before I hit teh hay, might be back in 15 mins
riseagainst1616 0
no Paige ur not ugly ur hott xD
Cynical_AbInitio 0
Afatmonkey never fails to crack me up with his off-the-wall random comments. PURE WiN
elcayuco 0
ur hot and funny!
guckylynn 19
Paige, the funny thing about you not knowing Stephan Hocking had a wheelchair is that it was him in that family guy epidsode...
guckylynn 19
Wow... hawking how did I spell that wrong.
paigeatsflesh 11
sorry^^ I knew it was something like that I just didn't know it was him xD and thanks riseagainst(: your cute too^-^ hehe
purplemnm 9
no it's not, the one in FG is just some random person, but Stephan Hawking is a scientist who proved the black hole theory, he has this condition where he's paralyzed and can't speak so he has a talking wheelchair. it's cool to listen to him coz his "voice" is kinda like a smooth robot xD.
devonuto 0
you were giving him the eye weren't you? c'mon, admit it!
awesome1145 0
that's very disgusting especially if ur a dude
quikwit1212 0
It's a girl, it says it right up there.
BrookeTrueblood 0
OP is a girl, but that's still messed up.
wrestlerbeast 0
brookes hot H-A-W-T! hahahaha
BrookeTrueblood 0
Uh, thanks creepy Internet guy (hopefully)...
wrestlerbeast 0
hahaha you welcome
Thunderbender 2
Well to be fair, when you look as pretty as you do and post pictures on the internet you open yourself up to creepy comments like that :/
is300k 0
He probably forgets who you are and makes that same joke every day.
devendra_fml 0
well, at least he was a gentleman.
zdizzle123 0
yea well at least it was a guy and not a chick...
Emmmmm55 0
atleast nothin tht is still really bad fyl
matthew33_fml 0
this wouldn't be an FML unless you really do have fantasies about him so YDI
bidoof_fml 0
He sounds like an awesome guy, you should have gotten his number.
Monikabug 9
Haha yes! Maybe he will include you in his will. :P
wrestlerbeast 0
"And to the hot life guard that was fantasizing about us being together I am giving her the tight speedo I was wearing the first day I met her. I would greatly appreciate it if she put it on right now." :D that'd be one amazing funeral service. anyone agree???
DGross 8
nice Monika... but don't get a"head" of yourself... though I'm sure the older man would enjoy that I doubt you would :-P
Monikabug 9
Lol! True that, Derek. Very doubtful...
Dashelle 25
Ew.