Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, at the park, a woman asked if I could watch her toddler for a second while she ran to the bathroom. Before I could answer, she ran off. Ten minutes later, a police officer approached me because someone reported a "man lurking with a child." I’m a woman. And not the babysitter. FML
Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML
Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
Today, I was threatened with arrest for refusing to accept a citation for having a dog off leash in a park. It wasn’t my fucking dog! It was a very friendly stray that started following me on my morning walk. I tried to explain myself but the dog wouldn’t leave my side or stop barking at the cop. FML
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Top comments
sup_bitch 0
damn u ugly
hidingmaster 2
Get off our lawn! Damn kids!
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Comments (156)
sup_bitch 0
damn u ugly
KaintukeeBob 13
Ugly? Not really. OP, you shouldn't have been testing the sights on your guns while blasting rap music.
SCREAM4meeee 0
aha old people are so paranoid
ripgeorgecarlin 2
Naw. He's a minority deemed dangerous by white people.
Grammar_Nazi101 0
"Damn, you're ugly."
Jake_2013 0
Old people are scary!!!
MrSassypants 34
1 OP isn't ugly. She was also arrested for a knife she just bought. No one likes someone standing outside an elderly person,s home with a knife in their hand.
Soloman212 28
But it was just a kitchen knife!
MrSassypants 34
71 tell that to the elderly who were scared out of their mind.
blackberry90210 0
do old women produce breast milk?
dolphincheddar 10
67- contrary to your belief. I DO Like people with knives outside of old folks homes. the thought is slightly entertaining
laurenv20 4
85- women only produce breast milk when they're pregnant..... old women can't get pregnant...
ugliness 6
-93 I thought it was possible for other people around the baby to lactate, not just the mother. this looks like a job for google!
MrSassypants 34
87 well you might just be a serial killer if you feel comfortable by people with knifes.
flockz 20
maybe op shoudn't have been masterbating so loudly.
randiZ25 0
actually women can produce milk as long as they've given birth and continue to either, pump or breastfeed.. as long as they don't let themselves dry up they can produce milk until the day they die..
randiZ25 0
example; wet-nurses
princessRiRi97 0
Wet- nurses??? Google here i come!
thrfunnyryguy 0
that's what I was thinking
Veraymix 6
Time to put those binoculars away, OP.
MikalaHart 4
That's so annoying. Grammar really shouldn't matter, we're on the Internet... it's not English class.
chrispyy21 0
wus u strokin it were dey culd c? PROPS on dat ish naw i meen.. i did dat 1nd.. KEKEKEKEK
MrSassypants 34
127 but some people don't make sense. Want an example? I got three digits for you 133 -Mr. Sassypants.
geko911 22
shit 133 wtf did you say??? and for the lactating females, i think there is a syndrom for that. its women that want so badly to have a child they start to think they actually have one and so they start lactating, no more period and so on and so forth.. but thats still a job for google.. ohh and btw, WTF 133. there is a huge difference between a few grammar mistakes and not writing english anymore... and yes i know i have some grammar mistakes but it is readable so its not too too bad...
why_R_U_gay 1
I bet OP was black. -_-
landonlasater 3
is that even legal?
skokob 7
it's Canada!!!
enonymous 9
He was probably wearing a Habs jersey in front of
enonymous 9
a vancouver retirement home*
hidingmaster 2
Get off our lawn! Damn kids!
instnt1nfction 17
Harris get the shotgun, that little rascal ran away from their master's house
JokinglySerious 0
oh, racial humor
Zeek63 0
maybe op left out the fact that she had a bucket of grenades and a shotgun...
Zeek63 0
the question is is that even illegal?
WiderWille 11
What? Stalking old people? Nah, its only illegal to stalk young girls.
afdude87 6
maybe op was wearing a grim reaper costume
zozohearts 0
Lmao, hilarious! That would really freak them out.
Zeek63 0
reverse pedo bear!!!!!!!!!!
tettles 0
old people burning
jake040 3
put ur hands up
jake040 3
put ur hands up
chickunkey 0
old people burning, old people burning!
flamegrilled123 3
it's kinda messed up
MrSassypants 34
Oh damn! I'm in the bathroom and I'm laughing at you guyses Jon Lajoie reference. I think my mother officially conformed I am a lunatic.
xleanne_aLly 23
guns don't kill people nuh-uh, I kill people with guns *bang*.
chiddy_bang71 0
if a guy messes with me I'll shoot him with my load. all over chest and neck and face and down his throat. cause I don't give a ****, like Mel Gibson. wait that just makes me sound racist... listen.
wyattshack 4
132-What?
A7X_LoVeee 10
You like 'em old and defenseless huh? Smh.
Calyx_fml 22
Sitting on a park bench! Eyeing little grannies with sad intent. Ohhh Aqualung.
Neorecon19 18
and how do you like 'em then?
rockindyl22 0
56, Jethro Tull like a boss!
quadder 0
the older they are the more paranoid and ornery they are, and extremely racist
electricmaster 0
Fear me, old people, because my butt is so obviously a threat!
Thanatos1206 0
Nice picture! :D
Thanatos1206 0
Nice picture! :D
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
don't let the cop tell u what to do, you didnt have a gun or a knife right? if u didn't then he shouldn't be able to make u move
cgchamp89 7
OP had a kitchen knife and was wearing that hockey mask Perdix mentioned... I would have told him to leave as well.
gamegeek42 6
even if they had a knife or a gun. a cop can not tell you to move.
cgchamp89 7
um... wtf state do you live in? If you're sitting on a bench with a gun in IL, you will have a lot of guns in your face and will be going to jail.
Sippin_koolaid 0
I'm pretty sure in most states it's illegal to walk around with an unconcealed weapon..
iAmScrubs 19
Tell the cop that the old people were threatening you with their canes, cats and dentures
MCRandBVBlover88 0
im sorry, I literally lmfao'd after I read that. props to you sir, props. (:
wordnerd42 0
16 - I am sorry to hear your ass came off. You should see a doctor to reattach that for you. It may be a difficult life without it. On the plus side, at least you won't find yourself in OP's situation.
MCRandBVBlover88 0
you're 100% right, 5-year-old!
MrSassypants 34
and you 0% right of him being a five year old. He got you really bad and just accept it. It was funny 8)
wordnerd42 0
I only went there because you went 10 characters out of your way to specify "literally" ;)
iAmScrubs 19
103- I've been wondering for a while whether your name is Mr Sassy Pants or Mrs Assy Pants.
MrSassypants 34
Mr Sassy Pants. I get that a lot. I'm just gonna start putting a dash and a signature to show that I am. -Mr.SassyPants