Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
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Top comments
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
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Comments (343)
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
First
omgcookeys 15
It's a unicorn, so yeah, it's horny.
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
No I was first
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
I won the race! First or last losers!!
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
I was the first post on the first comment... First appears twice in that sentence. One applies to me and the other to Xx3rdbassxX. Learn to count...
SillyFart 7
I'm number 22 what do I win??!!?
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
22, You will receive ten cookies in the mail. It takes 5 business days to bake/send the cookies. Please be patient
SillyFart 7
Thank you very much, here is three internetz for you!
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
For the incorrect use of Internet (it DOES NOT have a Z and IS NOT plural), three of your ten cookies will arrive crumbled. Thank you for your time.
Meowingtons500 18
Surprise pillow pet secks! The last to get violated by the horny unicorn wins! :D
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
You seem awfully jealous of my success... It probably comes from the way your parents treated you. Your brother Jacob always was first. He started in football, got the girls, and naturally your parents loved him instead of you. This abuse from a young age forced you into a life of arguing with obvious trolls on fml. Sorry....
Meowingtons500 18
Has your childhood abuse caused you to become an obvious Internet troll on FML? :)
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Only slightly! ;D
Meowingtons500 18
Just saying, your little story about theislands family history is quite vivid. Are we trolls and stalkers? ;)
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Both of course... Dumbass
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Is anyone else wondering where the moderators are? They normally stop this crap from going on so long...
SillyFart 7
Where the heck did all the comments go??!!
VioletLife 18
Wait, you are calling him a child, yet you are the one with a pillow pet?
Meowingtons500 18
One step two step three step, four Pillow pets pillow pets, your boyfriend adores Raping unicorns; stop with the hate Lend an arm, before the unicorns fly back to the barn! And yes, this took me ten minutes to write. :)
BaconDave 12
Wow, ten minutes and I still can't understand it.
n_epic_fail 14
Doesn't matter, had sex.
keepcaImcarryon 0
From the unicorn pillow pets perspective: "I just had seexx, and it felt so good. A woman let me stick my horn inside of herr!"
Liimitless 6
*horny
teague95 16
Grammar nazis are only good for 1 thing. Failing
SillyFart 7
How do we fail.. We correct people's mistakes.
urdirtyolduncle 15
I thought girls liked it harder and faster. You're lucky you have sex.
cocobulla1 4
You're calling him childish? You're the one with a pillow pet...
Justforlolz 14
112- *Facepalm*
Naitsi 19
haha
reaganomics 6
Not sure how this is a fml.....but at least the unicorns happy
morgan320 0
Pillowpet pillowpet, with a horn, Flies around raping newborn, Up and down, even sideways, Used and tired the newborn lays, The horn of the unicorn very dirty, I'm off guys, goodnight, derpy.
Meowingtons500 18
Nice rip-off, morgan320.
reaganomics 6
Not sure how this is an FML.....but at least the unicorn is happy
free2speak 14
My sisters have pillow pets. they are also 4 year old. The Irving here is that you told him to stop acting like child but you own a pillowpet. O.o
DayAndNite 8
That's hot
lvlcapblue 0
He must be a brony, aka awesome!
alival 12
I just got my 5 yr old cousin a unicorn pillow pet 4 Christmas! How is it gonna act around her!!
Uscdrew1 7
I would get one of those if they had one that looked like Twilight Sparkle.
ninjacutie 6
I'm 14 I have a pillow pet… but it's the lady bug one not the unicorn so I'm safe right guys? Anyway I think OP is freaking amazing for having a pillow pet I should make a club for all the cool kids who aren't like… children… that have pillow pets >.< hell my boyfriend has a pillow pet… oh dear god I hope he's not gay… WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?
reaganomics 6
258 cocaine is a hell of a drug huh ?
minodino 8
The Irving? I'm not familiar with that term
youshitme 9
You're good for nothing then. If anything, they were a 'spelling' Nazi in this case.
free2speak 14
dammit iPhone, irony!!! not Irving. Anyway, I just cited my opinion. I think they are childish to have after a certain age. I have old stuffed animals (4) from my past that have sentimental value and that's why I keep them around and I'll admit I love playing with my little sister's barbies and stuffed animals with them, but I would never own one. I'm also 21 so that may be why. I don't see a problem with it if you're 14/16 but after that age it's a little weird.
cocobulla1 4
I already said that.
rubberduckie94 13
too true. i thought the same thing. she probably has no sense of humor at all.
kittykat1501 31
258 me too! I have a whole collection. I've had them since I was little
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Boner boner boner
SillyFart 7
Every1luvzbonerz
M0rt 0
I loved boners but then I took an arrow to the knee
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Boner boner boner
SillyFart 7
I used to be an idiotic troll.. Then I got a punch in the face
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
I used to get punched in the face, so I became an idiotic troll... Boner boner boner
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
KatherineAnne 7
Legit. I would have just laughed if my bf did that. And he prolly would. O_o
xcarxcrashx 9
Seriously. Calm down. If this ***** your life then you have bigger problems.
silhouettelove 0
Bahaha lord knows my boyfriend would do that
urdirtyolduncle 15
So would mine!!
JinxosGirl87 0
Actually I would be the one doing this to my boyfriend as he tries to escape :)
shadexilmaendu 4
Really. XD my bf and I do shit like this to each other on a daily basis. Being silly just means he's comfortable with you xD
Lesslerr01 1
Hahaha that's cute :) you and your boyfriend are comfortable enough with each other for this stuff to happen. Not an FML
DocBastard 40
Obviously she is NOT comfortable with it, so it IS an FML. Otherwise she wouldn't have posted it. Right? Right.
osnapitzjp 0
Right
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Wrong. Maybe she was annoyed from something else.
SillyFart 7
Left
mozeltov 7
Is It just me or did that make no sense whatsoever
MicroFuturism 1
It's just you :P
Lanceeden 12
I had to read it a second time. First time around it sounded like her arm was humping the pillow.
flockz 20
first time i read it i imagined op's boyfriend as pedobear, especially when he said "children don't have sex like this." then he added on to the description.
UrCapsLockOn 12
when i read it the first time it was like he's humping the pillow ,,, but now everything under control
rabTAI 3
Make no sense, how come this is **** your Life.
ngarcia333 0
It just sux!!!
CityCunt 0
It didn't make any sense. She is bitching about his actions being "childish" yet she is the one that still keeps a stuffed animal around. ******* hypocrites these days...
rawrface22 10
Who doesn't love humping unicorns?
MichellinMan 20
I didn't like it when my unicorn humped me. Right before a ********, I got stabbed in the tesicle.
ohSNAPyall 27
Leapfroggers.
M0rt 0
I loved humping unicorns but then I took an arrow to the knee
evig_fml 16
196 nice skyrim reference
ArielTheMermaid 17
Nothing wrong with having a pillow pet. I have two and am getting a third for christmas :)
zanrothnis 2
How did this all end?
MikeDa1Da 14
She ended up humping his unicorn ;)
RedPillSucks 33
A shotgun blast to the eyes?
zurisbloodyrose 0
Massive orgy.
TheFunnyzach 3
#42 Umad bro?
zakkyzebra 11
Glitter. Everywhere.
themacuser 0
He died two weeks later. op couldn't cope and moved away to start a new life.
JinxosGirl87 0
The unicorn reclined while puffing on a plushy cigarette.
signuplogin 1
Did anybody notice that she told hi to stop being childish yet she is the one with the unicorn pillow pet... I know alot of adults have them but if she has a childs toy around them she shouldn't say that
Wheredidgrungego 12
Sex with animals is both illegal and wrong. Ever seen 2 guys 1 horse?
TheFunnyzach 3
No, tell me more.
EddiE_CN 8
I should not have looked it up..FML
TypicalTroll 0
I directed that video
brunogtz 4
blue waffle is better, check it out
DontModMeDammit 10
Blue waffle is nothing compared to red pancake.. But for your own sake don't look it up, urban dictionary it, but no picture.
Seduisant 7
Blue waffle isn't that bad compared to special fried rice.
me_gusta_eso 1
Special Fried Rice isn't as bad as Justin Bieber.
zakkyzebra 11
Why oh why did I look all of these up...
Awesome_Guy2468 0
Purple speghetti!!!!!!!! I'm inventing that one later
builditbetter09 3
O_O **** you curiosity...
xcarxcrashx 9
Purple spaghetti is a joke that has already been invented. Sorry.
me_gusta_eso 1
Agh stupid comments I thought it didn't show up
RainbowPanda1699 0
It's a pillow pet, I don't see the big deal.
EddiE_CN 8
Op's boyfriend is.......a keeper
G97Alex 21
No
aus1095 4
You look like a creeper in your pic. He is just being playful.
ramey_aka_stud 6
Oh come on, that is hilarious.
ikickgingers 15
Sir, I concur.
lexxxijade 0
I agree! XD