Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
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Top comments
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
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Comments (343)
Luck77 6
Ohhh BABY HARDER uh uh uh!!!!
bubo_fml 11
Really mess w/ your boyfriend & show him what U do with the pillow pet...That oughta shut 'im up!
Sl1mShad3y 10
Sleep?
Otarin 6
You should have pretended to like it. Turn the tables, and demand it to be in the room next time you get intimate (assuming you do).
OfficeNinja 5
He made that unicorn HIS pillow pet. You might want to have it dry cleaned now.
TynoMite 3
Reason #463 that I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
Enslaved 38
Immature guys or not getting poked by a unicorn?(:
lolthatscute 0
girlfriends can be immature too. lesbians could run into the problem of maturity as well. it's not specific to guys. although most girls mature faster than guys.
zzzjmarzz 1
I'm sure everyone else is glad your lesbian too
downtime 13
Reason #463 that you need to stop being a misandrist bitch.
perdix 31
Getting a lecture on maturity from someone who owns a "unicorn pillow pet?"
ressa_1428 0
The pillow pet just wants his fun too.
ty1992_farmlife 12
Pillow pet could be a she, you never know!!
diego09 0
lol
G0v3nat0r 7
YDI for having a unicorn pillow pet lol
sheethapins 13
"Children don't have sex like this." Since when did children start having sex period?
j_cat187 20
Weird shit happens