Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
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Top comments
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
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Comments (343)
Lovleyreign 0
Lol I love how you ask him to stop acting like a child but your the one with the unicorn pillow pet. In my opinion he's more adult xD
zurisbloodyrose 0
THERE'S NOTHING WONG WITH PILLOW PETS. I mean, come on. it's a ******* pillow, then it's a pet. and both! You can sleep on your pet without it biting you or running away. Who doesn't want that?
Lovleyreign 0
Define "pet" and your age. Lol
white16sox 19
160 their age is in their profile.
Lovleyreign 0
Yeah, cause they totally can't lie about their age. Plus, I'm not going to go through the trouble to look up someone's age on fml. Come on now.
downtime 13
...And when you ask them about their age they're legally required to respond truthfully. Mature age is not defined by being boring and a life lacking in childish qualities.
Lovleyreign 0
Lmao, I don't think you know about people. They don't have to tell you ANYTHING about themselves. They aren't legally obliged to tell me, you or an FML profile that either. Maturity is also based on how you act as well. If you say one thing and do another, then it'd called being a hypocrite.
Lovleyreign 0
No one is legally obliged to tell you, me, what their age is. FML is not gonna go and look at your birth certificate. Neither is Facebook or any other social site. No one has to legally tell anyone anything, especially on here. Maturity is also based on how you act on yourself. If you say one thing and do another it's also called being a hypocrite.
downtime 13
Sarcasm just isn't for you is it? By the way, I've seen no evidence of hypocrisy. Acting childish is not the same as enjoying childrens things.
niplipsip 9
"maturity is base on how you act.." so what makes the person childish because they OWN a pillow pet again? I could go to a store right now and purchase a package of pampers to decorate my shelf. Does that make me a child, an infant, or immature? No. It makes me a strange ass woman with a weird taste in decoration. Owning something has nothing to do with a person's maturity. As said, it's how you act.
Lovleyreign 0
Apparently my definition of maturity is different. Whether your mature or not also means whether your childish or not. Shoot me if you don't agree with me. It's MY opinion. I can take sarcasm but I just don't feel like taking it from people like you. ^.^
downtime 13
People don't get shot for having an incorrect opinion, otherwise I doubt you'd have made it this far through your life.
sissycullen 4
Are you sure it wasn't his pillow pet? Cause then there's your problem.
TheFunnyzach 3
You look like a vampire. Why do I feel like a necrophiliac?
bro1oke 0
You're asking him to stop acting like a child? You're the one with a pillow pet.. Intended for 6 year olds.
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
Bitch I'm 21 I love my pillow pet. We have tea parties everyday. Sure it makes buzz lightyear jealous, but does he turn into a pillow?
EPICROCKERNINJA 8
'An adult is a child at heart.'
skyttlz 32
I'm 17 and I'm gonna get a ladybug pillow pet
evilplatypus 39
24 - I came on here to say the exact same thing
flockz 20
"i was born from the horn of a unicorn" that's what your unicorn son is going to say.
jackgoldstein 5
Everything you say is legen... Wait for it... Dary!
flockz 20
thanks broseph. when i first read your comment i saw " everything you say is vegan... wait for it.... and dairy!!" made me lol
upyourzlolz 11
220- everything you say is retar... Wait for it... Ded!
sacredeye73 11
Chill out. He was goofin around. Sometimes it's good to let the inner child out.
aus1095 4
Agreed I be playful with my gf but I don't take her pillow and hump her with it lol
KiddNYC1O 22
You would if it were a unicorn pillow.
TheFunnyzach 3
The real question is, how does he know how children have sex?
tylermt1999 17
you can love them, hug them, and hump yhem its a pillow pet
chels1994 11
This is an FML? Sounds like someone needs to relax :)
ty1992_farmlife 12
Yeah, the bf is jus being alittle goofy but I think he did take it a little farther than he sould of..
RedPillSucks 33
Unicorn cum is what skittles are made of. Taste the rainbow.... Taste it!!!!
Awesome_Guy2468 0
It's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a love em hug em humpin pillow pet!!!! (also available the horned narwhal).....(if u know what I mean)...... lol...
ast3150 13
Soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend
soccerguy2 11
Why? He is just being playful. This isnt remotely close to any reason for a break-up.
ohmandapants 17
I feel bad for your future girlfriend. Or boyfriend. You are way too uptight for a 13 year old guy.
osnapitzjp 0
Where can one purchase a unicorn pillow pet?
shannonfeliz 0
Any department store..
ikickgingers 15
I bought mine at Toys R' Us. :/
jackeechan 10
Did it feel good?