Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!
PenguinPower 8
Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!
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Comments (57)
Tez122 6
lol sorry op fix two bottles
a_frogg 9
He needs to man up. It's not that serious.
trav_o 8
It is that serious. It really is..
kenoswild 14
Give them both their security blankets and everything will be alright....
SirWTF 10
While a hands on approach will always do the job, nothing beats getting a BJ from the one you love. Who knows, maybe they were so busy and tired from life and taking care of the kid that he just wanted it so bad.. It could be the same as finally taking a long, relaxing hot bath only to be interrupted in the middle of it by your children screaming and fighting.
JaneChemi_fml 21
you understand my pain.... perfectly
egrudy 9
No kids are evil! She was doing it on purpose. Kids get thirsty or have nightmares any time there is an erection within a half mile.
ScarlieC 25
I never knew that erections had that kind of special power..
MoeT8979 8
Let her cry!!!!!
assistantrachel 2
Yes, because there is nothing more erotic then the sounds of a screaming toddler...
lilsawty2 8
That probably means he's emotionally stressed... But really, who knows?
RubbarDuckie 9
Hahahahaha. That's intense.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Karma is a bitch !
RedPillSucks 33
Screaming kid interrupting my BJ? Ain't nobody got time for that.