Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!
PenguinPower 8
Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!
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Comments (57)
amifaiyaz 12
You must give one hell of a *******.
anthony99 14
Man child alert
scott82 5
Hang onto that one bright spark, sounds like a keeper, you should write a book, catch the man if your dreams
JustTemporary 24
YDI, ya don't have sex with a kid in the house?
SunAndMoon427 12
Really? So...new parents shouldn't be allowed to ever have sex is what you're saying. That makes literally zero sense...
pipc 10
He's probably dealing with all of the stress of having a child and it just hit him all at once and he channeled it into this unknowingly.
skinflint 6
i feel bad for your husband. next time finish him off. dont make him regret you and the kid. my wife never makes me stop.
xmaximusx 12
He was probably right she was doing it on purpose MOM AND DAD ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ME WAAAAAAAA
xRezSynn 15
Sorry, OP. all i can say
kasia2009 3
Sounds like you have two kids...
queentinaaa 8
Are you kidding me? Your jackass of a husband can't put his sexual needs away for his three year old daughter who is crying and helpless? He needs to grow up! What a ******* imbecile!
quackImapenguin 16
You don't have much experience with kids, do you? Kids cry all the time over the randomest things. It's not reasonable to expect parents to be constantly selfless. Sometimes a parents need is more important than a kids need- there's a decent chance the daughter was only crying over a mysterious creaking noise or a toy falling off the bed. A certain amount of self care is necessary in order to be capable of taking care of someone else. People need some relaxation and fun in order to function properly. The husband certainly overreacted with the serious accusations that she's interrupting the sex on purpose, but being upset is probably justified.
hayyad 7
Being upset is justified but I do believe children come first. Even if a child is crying bc he or she is afraid or even something insignificant, you should still check to make sure he/she is okay. After the child has calmed down and went back to sleep, the parents can do whatever. My child's safety is my top priority; my husband can wait half an hour to get laid until she's calmed down. My husband is very selfish in this aspect.