Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML
Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML
Today, my husband moved all the furniture a few inches to the left because he saw online that it makes moving around the house really difficult, and he wanted to test it out. Unfortunately, the one who tested it out was me; I got home, went to sit down, and broke 2 toes on the coffee table. FML
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML
Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
She was talking about YOU, silly! She already wants to marry you! :D
CitrusGirl 0
You are probably a very unobservant fellow. If she's your neighbor you should probably see his car at least.
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Comments (117)
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
desperate housewives.....NICE
Doortje 30
The " " ruined the punchline.
Doortje 30
They're gone now. First it was Today, while having sex on the couch with my "single" neighbor [...]. FML
machiko_fml 0
Well why don't you fix it instead OP.
treesdevin 0
your eyesss ... <3 ^.^
moosemonkey1000 6
are creepy
austo97 0
coming from the cookie monster?
Euphemism 0
tree. The girl, is Brookelle mckenzcie. Something, she is infamous for her modeling of emo stylist. Google, and you'll be disappointed that you're flirting with a imposter.
twitchy73 0
Makes you wonder how many other guys she had gotten onto the couch. Obviously enough to break it.
twitchy73 0
Makes you wonder how many other guys she had gotten onto the couch. Obviously enough to break it.
KingDingALing 9
So what? You're getting laid, OP. Be happy, you lucky sum-bitch.
xspaniardx 3
What a *****! 8) But wait, shouldn't you know that she has a husband if she's your neighbor? But yet again, y should you care, you're A. Getting laid and B. She obviously doesn't care or she would have told you. Go You!
oldenuff2party 3
hahah dude ur living my fantasy. now the husband of the woman ur screwing is gonna fix ur broken couch. that u broke while banging his wife. epic
SouthernRebfl 0
I agree
cooldukenukem 2
Where is the fml? not your coach. you don't have to fix it. and you had sex. sounds like a win. If you were that conserned about her you wouldn't be having sex before you really knew her.
radkelsie24 0
hahahah!